Sex makes most people feel pretty good. Plain and simple, it's one of the more amazing things our bodies are capable of doing. In a perfect world, you would only get pregnant when you wanted to, and there would be no such thing as STDs. But if you're careless and don't plan ahead, there can be a dark side to sex.
Ever since my sex-ed teacher in high school showed our class the terrifying images of what STDs look like, I've had a sort of "end-of-the-world" mentality about getting one. Something tells me that totally freaking me out and making me completely afraid of having sex was probably his aim.
I'm not going to go on about all the possible STDs you could contract (trust me, there are a lot), or their symptoms (which would probably leave many of us without an appetite for the rest of the day), but you can educate yourself by picking up a pamphlet at the health center or going online to the americanhealthassociation.com.
I've always found the "STD conversation" to be one of the hardest, most awkward conversations to have. The consensus seems to be that the best way to go about this conversation with new partners is to be as direct as possible. Most people I've talked to have said that this discussion went best when they had it outside the bedroom, in a relaxed setting where it was just the couple. Asking your partner if he or she has been tested in the heat of the moment is not the best idea, as you might not get an honest answer. Some friends said a good way to broach the topic was to suggest to their partners that they both go and get tested, either together or separately, before they start having sex.
It can be embarrassing to admit that you have an STD, but telling your partner you have one, especially an incurable one like herpes, while difficult, shows your partner that you care about and respect him or her, and that you are looking out for his or her well-being and health. Having an STD, even an incurable one, is not the end of the world. For example, herpes, while not curable, is highly treatable and most people are able to have healthy sexual relationships. In the end, if you don't feel comfortable talking to your partner about your status and safe sex, maybe you're not ready to be having it.
So, you might be asking yourself, "What kinds of STDs do people at Bowdoin have?" According to Physician Associate Andree Appel at the health center, the incidence of gonorrhea and chlamydia on campus is relatively low, moderate for herpes and quite high for HPV, as the health center sees a number of abnormal paps and cases of genital warts. HPV is the most common STD with infection rates of as high as 80 percent among sexually active young adults. STDs for college-aged students are on the rise, and one in four college students has an STD. While using a condom or dental dam (I've never heard of anyone using one of these) is the best way to protect yourself from an STD, neither method is 100 percent effective. The only way to definitely avoid STDs is abstinence.
There are lots of misconceptions about STDs out there. One of them is that it's a class thing. One guy friend commented, "There is definitely this prevalent idea that STDs are a trashy lower-class people thing, and that since we are at an elite place like Bowdoin, people don't think they can get them or that there aren't any here, which is definitely not the case. I think that as a result, people use methods of contraception more to prevent pregnancy and less to prevent STDs." My friend's point is a good one; if you're not protecting yourself because you think you're immune at Bowdoin, you'd better wake up.
When I asked another Bowdoin guy if he used condoms during sexual activity, he told me that he only used them with girls who weren't on the pill or that he "didn't trust." He explained, "Most girls I hook up with, I assume that they are clean, based on them not divulging that they have something. I trust them that they don't sleep with nefarious characters, that they use good judgement." While "trusting" someone sounds nice in theory, you won't get far in protecting yourself from contracting an STD. STDs don't discriminate and it doesn't matter how educated you are, or how "clean" you look.
It seems that one of the reasons people have unprotected sex is because there's a perception that sex is better without a condom, and that guys prefer it. One guy friend said, "There are definitely a lot of people who feel that condoms suck and that they take away the feeling, which they definitely do. Guys particularly don't like using condoms because there is that awkward 30-second fumble between the question 'do you have a condom,' and fiddling with it, trying to put it on right...all while not trying to ruin the mood." While it may be true that guys think sex feels better without a condom, it doesn't mean they prefer it, as it can often mean compromising their health and that of their partners.
The bottom line is: Don't ever let anyone pressure you into having sex without a condom?you could be stuck with a sexually transmitted disease for the rest of your life. In the end, it's really not worth risking your health, which will be with you forever, for someone else, who's most likely just passing through.