One of the things they forget to mention on your pre-college tour of Bowdoin is that once you've accepted your admission, you can say goodbye to the "private" part of your life.
Don't start writing your letter to the editor just yet. Before I divulge, I want to clarify that I am not out to defame Bowdoin or its ability to allow students a private life. But after talking with Bowdoin students at length about this situation, I was amazed at how much people have to say about it.
To quote the rapper Ludacris, here at Bowdoin, we are "all up in each other's biznass." When describing Bowdoin, students often say, "everyone knows everyone." While this can be a good thing, creating a community where people feel comfortable and at home, the excessive togetherness can have its downside. In fact, it can be really difficult to maintain romantic relationships, as well as friendships, in an atmosphere like this.
Like it or not, Bowdoin is a very cliquey, gossipy school. And oftentimes, it can actually be harder to be in a relationship, or even sexually active, at Bowdoin than it is in the real world, where you aren't surrounded by your peers 24/7. Of course, people will always love a good piece of gossip, but for some, living and hooking up at Bowdoin can start to feel like living under a microscope.
Unlike at big universities and schools in large cities, there is no separation between our social and academic lives at Bowdoin. The people we see in class are the same people we see in the dining hall, at the gym, at parties on the weekend and in the library. And we learn a lot about people who aren't our close friends just by observing them in their day-to-day lives.
Diana Heald '07 commented, "At Bowdoin, you are exposed all the time, which can become somewhat of an unhealthy atmosphere. Except for maybe when you are in your room, everywhere you are on this campus, you are under public scrutiny. And when you're getting to know a lot about people who you don't really care about, or don't have a direct relationship with, you're probably more likely to gossip about them."
My freshman year, I remember people in the dorms making "Hook Up Charts" diagramming who had hooked up with whom in the dorm, or on each floor. While I think by senior year, we've graduated from making "Hook Up Charts," people still care who's sleeping with whom. But don't we have more interesting stuff to find out about each other before we depart?
Evan Fagundes '10, commented, "I wish people talked about more meaningful things outside of class, rather than engaging in petty conversations. People should commit more to getting to know each other on a less superficial level."
Jac Arbour '07, seemed agitated about the situation. He said, "It's unbelievable how everyone at Bowdoin thinks they know everything about everyone. A story gets back to you about something that you supposedly did or said, and it's so far from the truth, you have to wonder where it came from. There's a deeper question here. Why do people feel the need to gossip about other people they've never even spoken to?"
So, why is it that Bowdoin is so conducive to mindless gossip and publicizing private lives? I can't help but think it has a lot to do with the types of students Bowdoin attracts. There are so many students who are not only super smart, but also really great at sports and, to top it off, gifted at music. We live in a very artificial world where everyone around us is an extremely high-performing overachiever. When we leave Bowdoin, we will probably never again find ourselves surrounded by so many talented people. Maybe the reason we gossip is not so obvious. Maybe it's not just that we go to a small school in a rural area; maybe we are all just secretly fascinated by each other. Or maybe we are all just really insecure. Look around you, there are some pretty amazing people here. Really, it seems only natural to feel a little inadequate from time to time.
Nate Hyde '07 told me: "I think there is more to say at a place like this. Put 10 people in a room and they could tell you at least something about 95 percent of the people here. Which is nice as far as a sense of community goes, but not as nice when it comes to gossip."
He continued, "There is a lot of gossip and shit-talking that goes on at Bowdoin?especially by girls, about other girls." Reputations at Bowdoin can be important, especially to women. Don't be fooled by the "Bowdoin Hello." Mean girls do exist at Bowdoin. Watch your back.
Rebekah Mueller '07 concurred, "It is not a normal college experience to be able to look at any person walking by and be able to state three very personal things you have heard about them. It makes it hard to grow up and get out of the high school mentality."
I don't think much can be done to separate our academic lives from our social lives at Bowdoin, and many of us like it this way. But there is one piece of advice we could all heed. Remember when your first grade teacher told you to "mind your own beeswax?" I think we would all do well to try this one out again. We could have a lot more of the intellectual, meaningful conversations, if we cut out all the pettiness and the gossip about who hooked up with whom, or who gained or lost weight. What if we talked about ourselves, and let other people get to know us for who we are, rather than talking about other people to find a common ground? If we want private lives of our own, we have to let each other have them.