Dropping the 'L-Bomb': easier said than done

Talkin' About It: Myths about sex and love can't always be believed

There are hundreds of sex myths out there. Think: virgins can't get pregnant the first time they have sex, bigger is better, girls are more needy than guys?the list is never- ending. My favorite myth is that women are always looking for love, while men just want sex. In other words, women want to be in a relationship, and men want no strings attached.

Talkin' About It: When there's 'someone else,' show some tact

Getting dumped is bad. Getting dumped for someone else? That's even worse. Here are the two most common kinds of breakups: the "we just can't get along" one, and the "there's someone else" one. Which is better? I think we would all prefer the former.

Talkin' About It

Dropping the 'L-Bomb': easier said than done

November 3, 2006

I love you. The closest I've come to hearing these words from a guy was a lame attempt to get in my pants with the classic "I want to love you." He didn't want to love me; he wanted to sleep with me. Nice try.

In a romantic relationship, these three "golden" words trigger a wide range of emotions anywhere from intense anxiety and fear to complete euphoria. Some argue it can be the scariest phrase to say in the English language. "I love you" has the power to transform a relationship from casual to serious (or from casual to nonexistent) in just a few seconds. People say it when they mean it and when they don't mean it. Some agonize for weeks over how and when to say it, while others say it the moment they feel it.

Saying "I love you" to your significant other for the first time is something that people take pretty seriously. A lot of people think if they say it, their relationship will change?and most likely it will. Others are afraid to say it because they fear rejection, embarrassment, or a potentially awkward moment. We're terrified that saying it will change the dynamics of the relationship, that the person who says it first has less power than the one who hasn't. The first "I love you" makes most people feel quite vulnerable.

The worst type of "I love you" is the one you know isn't sincere. For some, "I love you" is a little too easy to say. What really matters is not saying the actual words, but backing them up with actions. Showing you love someone is often much harder than saying you love someone.

When it comes down to it, there's really only one right answer to "I love you," and that's "I love you, too." Unfortunately for our egos, it doesn't always happen this way. One friend's now ex-boyfriend responded to her profession of love with the "that's really sweet, but..." line. In a perfect world, the feeling would always be mutual?but in reality, it's not, and that's probably one of the reasons we're all so scared to say it.

I've heard some pretty funny "I love you" stories in the past week. My favorite comes from a friend whose boyfriend of a year told her he loved her one night in bed. She responded to his heartfelt proclamation by saying nothing back, rolling over, and then ignoring him for the next two days. This is an extreme case, and by no means represents how most people react to the first "I love you." Looking back on it, she says, "I was so freaked out by him saying it. I wanted to say it back to him, but I just couldn't." Eventually, she did say "I love you" back, but it took time and patience on the part of her boyfriend.

If it's the right time, saying it can bring a couple closer together. More than anything else, hearing "I love you" from someone you really care about gives you a sense of validation not many other things in life have the ability to do. We say, "I love you" all the time to our family and friends, but it means such a different thing when we say it to our romantic interest. Most of us have heard it from our parents since we were babies, but hearing it from someone from whom we seek such a specific form of approval affects us in how we view both ourselves and our relationships.

After talking with lots of people about why they said "I love you" to their significant other, here are a few reasons not to say "I love you": you're looking for sex, you're attempting to save a hopeless relationship, you're drunk, you're caught up in the moment, or you don't really mean it. You might also want to avoid saying it too soon in a relationship, as it will probably freak the other person out.

So, what does this mean for those of us who haven't heard those magic words yet? Are we doomed to live a life devoid of romance? Hardly. If you haven't been in a serious relationship yet, that probably explains why you haven't heard it or said it. Most people don't hear it until they are in a committed relationship after college. I guess some are just later love bloomers than others. And if your boyfriend or girlfriend hasn't said it to you yet, and you don't understand why, remember what a difficult thing it can be for people to say. Just because you haven't said it, or had it said to you, doesn't mean you haven't felt it for someone else or that another person hasn't felt it for you. Dropping the L-Bomb isn't easy. But from what I've heard, it's pretty rewarding when the feeling is mutual.

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