Getting dumped is bad. Getting dumped for someone else? That's even worse.
Here are the two most common kinds of breakups: the "we just can't get along" one, and the "there's someone else" one. Which is better? I think we would all prefer the former.
The most awful part about the "there's someone else" breakup is that you can't help but feel more than a little inadequate. Your boyfriend or girlfriend left you?for someone else. Not unwarranted, the usual breakup symptoms of sadness, anger, and jealousy are amplified about 10 times over.
Betrayal. It's the stuff that ends marriages, that sells every celebrity tabloid out there. And if you've ever experienced it before, you know it's a blow to the ego that isn't easy to recover from. You have to deal with the fact that the other person seems to be moving on from your relationship without a hitch. Aren't you supposed to feel hurt and suffer the consequences of the end of the relationship together? Not in this case. While you're at home feeling totally bummed, your ex is out having fun with his or her new girlfriend or boyfriend.
And unfortunately, it happens all the time. Two friends of mine were left by their boyfriends for their best friends. One elaborated, "My boyfriend told me that he had cheated on me with my best friend and my first reaction was hysterical laughter. I couldn't believe he would stoop so low. I was devastated. Not only was I betrayed by my boyfriend, but by my best girlfriend as well."
Another friend had her boyfriend of two years leave her for a man...in Australia. One girlfriend left her high school boyfriend for a new guy her first year of college. When asked why she did it, she said the long-distance relationship was too hard.
America witnessed the ultimate instance of getting left for somebody else: Jennifer Aniston was famously left by her husband, Brad Pitt, for none other than Angelina Jolie, dubbed by Hollywood as the "hottest woman" in the world. Try that on for size. We think it's bad running into our ex with a new girl or guy once in awhile in the dining hall, but imagine having to look at pictures of "the other woman" and your ex every time you opened a newspaper or a magazine.
About two years ago, I returned to Bowdoin in September and was confronted with my own getting-dumped-for-someone-else scenario. With what didn't seem like much sensitivity, the guy I had been dating informed me that he had met someone else (one week earlier). He caught me off-guard. I was speechless. Unfortunately, he didn't stop there. He told me, and I quote, that he had "met the most amazing girl EVER and just couldn't pass up this OPPORTUNITY to be with her." My mouth dropped. Was I hearing this right? It was bad enough that he was leaving me for someone else, but who actually says they "can't pass up this opportunity" to your face? It sounded more like he was talking about a job opportunity than a relationship. Breaking up takes tact. Clearly, he didn't have much. My pride crushed and hurt by his clumsy honesty, I went into breakup recovery mode. Now, two years later, I can laugh about this story?I can even share it with the entire school?but at the time I was heartbroken.
Ultimately, there are two solutions for getting over your boyfriend or girlfriend who's dumped you for someone else: You could eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's, watch "Terms of Endearment" and have a good cry, or you could channel all your hurt feelings into pure hatred for the douche who treated you so badly. In the short run, being angry and resenting that person is easier, but is it worth the energy? Probably not. Most of the people I've talked to have said that the best way to get over this kind of breakup is to stop blaming yourself, stop obsessing over why they left you, and realize you're probably better off without them.
In the end, you would think that guys and girls would look out for each other a little more when it comes to choosing partners. I can't understand girls, or guys for that matter, who hook up with people who they know are in a serious relationship. Though guys often get a bad rap for being cheaters, I've known a lot of girls who have been guilty of the same crime. This is how I look at it, and it might be na?ve, but if your feelings have changed, show some courage, be honest, and consider ending things before getting involved with someone else.
So are you wondering what happened with that guy who dumped me? Not surprisingly, the girl he left me for ended up dropping him after three weeks. Why? For another guy. So much for seizing a great opportunity.