The information below was pulled from the Office of Gender Violence Prevention and Health Education workshop titled “Relationship Goals.” 

Picture this: you are at a party and the person you have been hanging out with in a friendly, but also not-so-friendly way, is there. Your friends want to meet them. So, you confidently go over, throw your arm around their shoulder and say, “Guys, this is my … ” Oops. What exactly are they? What even is this?

Congratulations, you are in a situationship.

If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. The term situationship has become the catch-all for every “we are not a thing, but also we are kind of a thing” dynamic that defies a clean label: the ex you still text, the person you are seeing but not seeing, the “friend” you always seem to end up with at the end of the night. The gray zone gets a bad reputation, but ambiguity is not a relationship death sentence. Silence is.

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, but it is especially vital in casual or unlabeled ones. A clear conversation establishes shared expectations, builds trust and makes space for enjoyment on both sides.

Before you can have that conversation, though, you have to know what you want. This starts with understanding your own sexual project, which refers to your personal reasons for engaging in or abstaining from sexual and romantic interactions. Some people seek pleasure, connection or validation; others abstain for religious, cultural or personal reasons. All sexual projects are valid. What matters most is that your reasons are genuinely yours, and they may differ from the person you are involved with. While that is not a problem, it is a reason to communicate.

Ultimately, communication is what builds an enjoyable relationship. Often, unsatisfactory sex, hookups and situationships are rooted in an inability to communicate wants and needs effectively. Hookup culture makes this difficult by pressuring people to conform to assumed expectations rather than their own. As a result, individuals may verbalize consent to things they are not fully comfortable with, assuming that is what their partner wants. For example, someone may agree to a non-exclusive arrangement out of fear that asking for more will push the other person away. However, hookup culture is not one-size-fits-all. Every relationship has its own interpersonal dynamics, expectations and boundaries, and assuming you already know someone else’s does both of you a disservice.

To break this pattern, you have to be willing to advocate for yourself. This means knowing your limits, naming them out loud and trusting that they are worth protecting. Boundaries are not rules you impose on someone else; they are ways of communicating what you need to feel safe and respected. A boundary is not: “You are not allowed to talk to other people.” A boundary is: “I am not comfortable with this being completely undefined. I need us to at least check in about where we stand.” Boundaries are about you and only you, and when someone consistently disregards them, you must stand up for yourself. You deserve a situation, labeled or not, where your needs are heard and your comfort actually matters.

Advocating for yourself in a relationship can be intimidating, but it can make those relationships more fulfilling. One of the clearest ways to address dissatisfaction is to use “I” statements. While simple, these assertions hold immense power. “I” statements are ultimately about you, and, like boundaries, should not be used to control another person. For example, one might say, “I feel a little left out when you host parties and do not invite me, because I enjoy spending time with you,” instead of “Why was I not invited to your party? I thought we were more than friends.” Using this type of statement maintains a non-argumentative tone and leads to clearer resolutions.

Ultimately, it comes down to reflecting on your own reasons for engaging in intimacy. If you enjoy casual dating or hookups, keep on doing your thing! If you love committed, long-term partnerships, go find the love of your life! If you are not sure what you are looking for, that is perfectly normal too. Regardless of the situation, incorporating communication, self-advocacy, boundaries and non-accusatory approaches to conflict are imperative for building relationships that actually work for you.

Grace Tétreault is a member of the Class of 2028. This op-ed was written on behalf of the Office of Gender Violence Prevention and Health Education.