Your favorite matchmaker is back! And as if that wasn’t good enough, I’ve brought someone special with me. Our first bachelor (class of ’25) uses he/him pronouns and is interested in people of any and all pronouns. This is your chance to get to know him past the chatter of the intensely awkward “we should grab a meal!” date that inevitably ends with both of you in Thorne shamefully dodging your floormates’ suggestive looks.
The following interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Bowdoin Orient: What is your least favorite color? Why? Really psychoanalyze yourself here.
Bachelor: I really dislike red. Partially because I like all the others more, but I don’t think that’s the psychoanalysis you’re looking for. I don’t know. I think red is a really abrupt thing to look at—it’s not a friendly color. I like friendly colors.
Q: What TV show do you think is vastly overrated and why?
A: “The Office.” I hadn’t seen much of “The Office,” and then at one point during [Covid-19] I said, “I should probably watch ‘The Office.’” So I went to S1E1, and it just wasn’t doing it for me. Maybe individual parts are good and there are funny moments, but as a whole, … like if the show can’t draw me in on episode one, then I don’t see the point.
Q: So what’s the most niche thing you do like?
A: Wow, okay. I feel like I should have prepared notes on my life. I genuinely enjoy watching the Oscars. I feel like that’s humiliating enough to make it niche. I wouldn’t admit that to somebody after just meeting them.
Q: What are the current top five artists you’re listening to?
A: Number one is Lauryn Hill for sure. Number two is The Beatles. I have a ton of Beatles songs on here—not all the ones, but, you know, spread out. Let’s see—ABBA. And then Nina Simone. And the last one is Billy Joel. To be honest, there aren’t a lot of people I listen to religiously. I listen to a broad range but not a lot of specific artists.
Q: What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
A: Okay, very deep then. Well, I’m thinking about this as like the greatest compliment I’ve ever received. I think the greatest compliments I have received have been when I’ve helped people. Over the summer, a friend of mine called me, and they were in a lot of emotional distress, and I was able to talk them through it to a place where they felt like themselves again and were no longer in crisis. I was pretty proud of that.
I feel like I worry a lot that I don’t have a full range of emotions, or that I’m too emotionally neutral all of the time, and that really helped me realize that I can understand other people’s emotions to the extent that I can help and give them advice.
Q: If you could learn how to make any meal perfectly, what would it be?
A: The first thing I thought of was to be able to make really good rice.
Q: Just plain rice? Have you heard of a rice cooker?
A: Yeah, but people make rice in rice cookers and it’s just not good! Like all the spices and knowing how to choose the right type of rice is not something that I know how to do. But that’s not my answer to the question. Anyway, I think I’d really like to be able to make the perfect breakfast. Like breakfast food that’s harder to make, like soft boiled eggs or something. Just a nice little breakfast, like cut fruit and—
Q: Wait, wait. I said you could choose to know how to cook anything, and you choose cut fruit?
A: No, no. I want to be able to create a breakfast plate that’s cohesive and right for the situation. One that’s nicely prepared, like a nice oatmeal with the right toppings and consistency and stuff. I don’t aspire to be able to make the perfect bolognese. I don’t know, I just like breakfast. Like imagine if you could just nail breakfast every day— how good would that be?
Think you’d like the ~perfect~ breakfast? Well, I’d bet our bachelor would be willing to put in the work for you. Or maybe you’d just get really good rice. Either way, it’s a win, and you should hit him up immediately—through me, of course. Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org if you think you’d make a good match with your reasoning and, ideally, a sonnet in perfect pentameter. I wasn’t kidding about that. If he agrees, I’ll set you two up. Best of luck!