Open relationships. When I asked my mom if they were around when she was in college in the 70s, she answered, "You mean promiscuity?" That's one way of putting it.
I've never understood open relationships. However, it seems like a lot of people, especially of our age, are trying them out. I first heard about open relationships my freshman year, when people were having them with their high school boyfriends or girlfriends. Being in an open relationship means something different to everyone. Some think it means "friends with benefits," while others define it as being in a relationship with a number of different partners. They usually occur post-high school, when you go abroad, or when your boyfriend or girlfriend lives far away. A lot of couples decide on a set of ground rules for their open relationship, which allow them to "hook up" with other people, presumably guilt-free. Sounds like one of those perfect have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too scenarios. Or some kind of license to cheat.
Let's get right to it: The perception of the open relationship is that it's an easier version of a real, monogamous relationship. You get to have the security of retaining a relationship you care about without missing out on all of the sexual experimentation that's supposed to go on at college. I've watched open relationships unfold for various friends and talked to others about their experiences. And on the whole, I've come away thinking that while in theory they sound like a good idea, in practice they can be disastrous.
From what I've heard, the greatest pitfall of open relationships is this: They are neither easy to control, nor easy to predict. In the majority of them, you walk the dangerous line of falling for someone other than your boyfriend or girlfriend. And unless you have some psychic powers that let you see into the future, being in an open relationship ultimately means risking your relationship. In any relationship you run the risk of getting hurt, but when you add amped up feelings of jealousy and insecurity, you're putting yourself in a an even more vulnerable position. I could never agree to an open relationship with someone I really cared about, and if I did agree to one, it would probably mean I wasn't that into the person, in which case I would rather just be single.
One guy friend who experienced the ups and downs of an open relationship commented, "Open relationships lack the benefits of a full-blown relationship. It's not possible to have an intimate relationship with someone while at the same time trying to completely detach yourself emotionally from them in order to not get hurt." Another friend joked, "I ended my open relationship when I found out my girlfriend was more of a slut than me!"
I have one friend whose open relationship has, all in all, worked out. She sees her boyfriend of four years when she's home, and dates other guys while she's at school. If you want to go into a successful open relationship, you've got to ask yourself why you are doing it. If it's because you're insecure or need constant attention from the opposite/same sex, you're probably not going to fare too well. But if you're the kind of person who doesn't need boundaries and definitions to be happy in a relationship, then maybe it could, or does, work for you.
It's a risky line to walk, being in an open relationship. The desires that you would usually not be able to act on in a monogamous relationship become at once available to you. I could be crazy, but doesn't this sound like an unhealthy way to live? If you plan on someday being in a monogamous relationship, what kinds of habits are you forming for yourself? On the other hand, I guess, there are plenty of successful polygamist families, as well as people who are perfectly content living a swinging married life.
In the end, there is nothing wrong with being in an open relationship if it works for you. But I think there is something to be said for being in a monogamous one. It may be difficult, but judging by what a lot of you have told me, open relationships can also be messy and possibly not that rewarding. Yes, we are young and we shouldn't have to be tied down to one experience, or one person, but, when it comes to relationships, I subscribe to the "all or nothing" school of thought.