We've all done it. Boy, girl, first year, senior, every single one of us has, at some point in our lives, stalked an object of our affection. I use the word "stalk" in this article to describe all the things we do as a result of our innate and uncontrollable desire to be near someone we really, really like. Whether it is in the library or at a meal, online, or in the union, we have all stalled or dawdled, double-clicked or feigned interest in the latest piece of useless campus-wide mail in order to merely catch a glimpse of our crush.
Bowdoin is an environment that is extremely conducive to "stalking." We are a small, close-knit community where everybody knows your name. And your face. And who you like and who likes you and who you liked very publicly outside Harpswell Apartments at 1 a.m. last Saturday night.
We all eat in the same dining halls, we all party at the same off-campus houses, we all waste several hours a day on the same instant messaging service in the privacy of our dorm rooms. We are so incredibly close, that it is even easier to get closer.
Take the dining hall for instance. Thorne in particular is the perfect setting for a Bowdoin stalker. A wide open area filled with long tables provides an optimal line of sight from almost any angle. Sit on the side facing the kitchen, and you can see every single person that walks in and then awkwardly stands just inside the doors looking for friends to sit with.
One friend of mine goes so far as to make up excuses to follow her crush in to the kitchen whenever she sees him get up from his table for his second round of carbo-loading. She returns to the table with a spoon she won't use or a grapefruit half she won't eat just because she wants to be in the same room as his dashing smile, post-practice glow, and second helping of Mexican lasagna.
The library presents similar opportunities to catch a glimpse of your crush. Sit anywhere on the first floor between the hours of 7 p.m. and midnight and I guarantee you will notice somebody, most likely somebody you know, stalking the crap out of a poor, unsuspecting soul. Stalking methods in the library range from conveniently "needing" to check your email the second you see Miss Soccer Captain sit down to retrieve an e-reserve, to deciding to finish your government reading in the armchair that just happens to be in the direct line of sight of Mr. Class Vice President. Library stalking is perhaps the most effective crush-watching method, for the sole reason that while not everybody eats in the dining hall, every single person on this campus, professors included (not that I'm suggesting anything here), has to use the library at some point.
Stalking in the union is much the same. Some of my friends freely admit to checking their email for the seventh time in an hour or purchasing highly unnecessary bags of sour peaches at the express just to kill time while their crush retrieves a package. And who among us hasn't been guilty of glancing casually into the gym just to see who's lifting weights or sweating it out on the elliptical?
Of course, we come now to the most private and potentially dangerous of all stalking venues: cyberspace. The "idle" feature on instant messenger allows you to keep constant tabs on your crush, and Facebook's screen name question has eliminated the need to ask around for Mr. Senior Rugby Player's online identity. My only caution here would be against keeping his or her screen name on your buddy list permanently if you are prone to clicking on random links in profiles or away messages. Beyond the "IM tracker" features that has been my own personal downfall, some of those links are viruses that send out IMs to every person on your buddy list. If Miss Senior Interviewer doesn't know you have her screen name, you could be in for a world of awkwardness.
Yes, Bowdoin is a great environment to keep tabs on the object of your affection, but let me be clear on one thing: "stalking" someone is fine, but if you finally work up the courage to say hello to Mr. Football Player and it turns out he's just not that into you, cut your losses and walk away. Nobody likes a real stalker. That's just creepy. Trust me, I've been that girl. And nobody wants to be that girl.