Matt Glatt: You smell that? That’s the smell of my favorite sporting event of all time. Are you guys as excited for the Olympics as I am?
Mikey Jarrell: Definitely! I love the gymnastics, the ping-pong, the track and field, the jujitsu, the swimming, all that jazz. I really can’t get enough of it.
Wiley Spears: Literally all of those are from the Summer Olympics.
MJ: And?
WS: We’re about to start the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. That’s what we’re talking about.
MJ: Oh. Well what events do they have?
WS: Snowboarding, ice skating—that kind of stuff. You know, things you do in the winter.
MJ: That’s dumb. Nobody cares about those sports!
WS: It’s the Olympics!
MJ: It sounds more like the Winter X Games. Be honest, Wiley, you’ve never watched a minute of snowboarding in your entire life. You probably wouldn’t even notice if the Olympics just went missing for a few years.
WS: That’s exactly what happens, you idiot. They only compete every four years. That’s why this is such a big deal!
MG: OK, Mikey, you’ve established your complete ignorance on the topic. This year’s games, however, have raised a very important issue. The 2014 games in Russia are the most expensive Olympics ever. At over $50 billion, it’s going to cost Russia more than five times what it cost Canada for the 2010 Games in Vancouver. And according to CBS, Canada just barely broke even that year. The question is: are the Olympic games worth it to the host country? Did Russia make a huge mistake?
MJ: It sure sounds like they’re in trouble.
WS: Well, they certainly haven’t handled things as well as they should. There are major security concerns—more so than even the 2002 Games. Reporters are already complaining that their accommodations are the worst they’ve ever seen, athletes are squeezed college-dorm style into the Olympic Village, the events are becoming more and more dangerous—
MJ: —Oh yeah, I did hear that Shaun White pulled out of one event because he didn’t want to risk injury.
WS: Don’t interrupt me. I was just about to mention the incredible controversy Vladimir Putin stirred up when he told LGBT athletes to “leave the children alone.”
MJ: Yep, Sochi is definitely in trouble.
WS: I think they’ll be OK if they make some money. There are all sorts of benefits that come from hosting the games, and I seriously doubt they can all be accounted for in those estimates that Matt mentioned.
MJ: Like what?
WS: Don’t ask me! I’m not the economics major.
MG: My time to shine! I was actually reading an article covering postmortems of Olympic Villages, and it turns out some cities fared way better than others. Whistler Park, the main mountain from Vancouver 2010, completely embraced all the modifications they had to make in preparation for the Games and have used them to turn a profit. Now they even offer lessons and/or tours for every single Olympic event.
MJ: How does “Mike and Wiley in a Bobsled” sound for the title of our next show?
MG: Well, I know we both want to see Wiley in spandex.
WS: It sounds to me like the most recent Winter Games were great for Vancouver.
MG: Not entirely. The main Vancouver Olympic Village has become essentially a ghost town. Actually, the current situations of other previous host cities are all over the map.
MJ: Literally!
MG: Greece’s former Olympic athlete housing complex just outside Athens has turned into a ghetto. No landscaping, no supermarkets, no schools, no banks, not even reliable electricity! Meanwhile, Sydney’s Olympic village is now an actual town with over 5,000 full-time residents. Fun fact: all the houses have solar panels. Shoutout to Bowdoin Green Thing!
WS: So what’s your point?
MG: I’m trying to say that Sochi’s livelihood after the Olympics will come down to its local government. They are responsible for all the new structures, their construction, maintenance after the Olympics, and post-Olympic usage. From what we’ve seen so far, I’m pretty worried about Sochi. Are officials going to forget about structures they’ve barely managed to complete in seven years? Will they be able to find a use for the ski jump other than “normal” Russian Government activities? Will Russians even want to live in college-style dorms passed off as real apartments? Will this article ever end?
WS: I don’t know why Mikey and I even bothered to debate this when it’s obvious that you’re the only one even remotely well informed on the topic.
MG: Let’s move on to another field where you’re both truly unqualified: the No-Fail Predictions of the Week! Wiley, start things off.
WS: Fifty babies will be conceived in the Olympic Village over the next two weeks.
MG: There will be a big mishap during the opening ceremonies on Friday.
MJ: Two American dudes named Shaun will become three-time gold medalists: Shaun White in the halfpipe, and Shaun Davis in speed skating.
WS: Shani Davis. His name is Shani Davis.