It has recently been brought to my attention that there is more to life than the meaningless hookups and the morally casual ideas advertised in my first two articles. College can also be a time to find that special someone who makes little, everyday things more meaningful. One could call this love. But don't worry?I'm not going to get all rosy on you just yet.
I'm more interested in the tumultuous breakup, and what happens when those formerly special times become more awkward than going to a social house party as a senior (if you're not a senior you will know exactly what I mean when you get there). I'm now, therefore, taking the helm not only as your "sexpert," but as your "relationshipspert."
When I was thinking about the most miserable set of circumstances that could accompany breaking up with a significant other, I immediately realized that Bowdoin is pretty much "the perfect storm" of the dating world. Think about it. When you want space, you're inevitably going to run into your special friend at the dining hall, the pub, or at a party on the weekends. When you don't want to know who else your ex is crushin' on, your friends (who also happen to be his/her friends) will be running full tilt in order to relay all the latest gossip they have compiled in their Nosey Nancy notebooks. When you want to get out of this suffocating atmosphere, you have nowhere to go. Seriously, where are you gonna go? I suppose you can run down to Fat Boy's for a fat burger or lose yourself for minutes at a time in that wonderland called the greater Brunswick metropolis. At the end of the day, though, you're going to be right back in the boiler room. Sweet life.
The moral of the story here is either don't breakup or don't start a relationship in the first place. Some of you are looking for a way out of your stale relationships, which means you probably have the suck knob cranked all the way to 10 at this point. Or maybe you even broke the suck knob off of your relationship because you were crankin' it so hard. If that's the case, I suggest you immediately get out of your relationship and try a new vocation, like knitting. If, however, you want to turn up the good and turn down the suck, I have a couple more tips here to help you accomplish this daunting feat.
This week we are going to examine what it's like to break up at a small school like Bowdoin. The guys generally spoke succinctly, with a perceptiveness that really captured the essence of what it's like to break up with a girl at Bowdoin. According to collective opinion, "it sucks," and concurrently their fun levels are way down since the breakup. Not surprisingly, my female friends were more verbose when asked about the breakup. One particularly distraught friend said that she had been dumped by e-mail and IM conversation, and that guys need to "grow a pair and do it in person." Unfortunately, I have to agree with her here. Guys?don't hide behind technology. Collect your thoughts, drink a Red Bull, strap on the battle armor, and do it in person.
The second major issue concerning to the women is that breakups are often immaturely handled by both parties involved. When you're at a school that is smaller than many high schools, there is an 84 percent chance that you will run into your ex.
When couples are on a "break," one of my favorite pastimes is to tell both people to meet in the union at the same time, and I watch the hilarity ensue. It's like a train wreck?you don't want to watch but you can't look away. But seriously, just be cordial. What works for me is simple eye contact followed by a "Hi, how's it goin'?" Nothing is more immature and hurtful than the look-off followed by the head-down-in-silence combo.
The third surprisingly common theme I found is the good ole switch-on-the-fly maneuver. This move is primarily used by the males, but I have seen it happen both ways. It entails a dumping followed by an immediate pick up of the dumpee's friend or teammate. First, never try this move unless you are a savvy dating vet. Secondly, even if you and the friend/teammate have feelings for each other, don't do it. It's mean and inconsiderate. And no one likes mean and inconsiderate people.
Ok friends, those are my SparkNotes on breaking up. Until next week, keep it real and avoid the clap.