The Carpenters have always told us that "breaking up is hard to do." And for anyone who has ever dumped someone, or been dumped, or has been friends with someone who has been dumped, you know just how true those lyrics can be. The end of a relationship, regardless of the length or intensity of emotion involved, is always a tragedy on some level. You no longer have someone to quote poetry to in your AIM profile, and your extra long twin bed feels empty. You miss his smile, or her eyes, and you really miss getting a piece of him or her on a regular basis. The sun stops shining, the birds stop chirping, and you begin to realize how small a Chamberlain double actually is now that you're sleeping there every single night.
Yet, despite their sometimes terrible side effects, there is such a thing as a "good" break-up. While the pain is most likely unavoidable, there are, in fact, ways in which you, as the dumper, can treat the end of the relationship with the respect your time together has warranted.
For instance, avoid reverting to electronic modes of communication to do the deed. Emails are impersonal and cowardly, and they are far too susceptible to a late night un-sober click of the "reply" button. That "drunken email" I mentioned two weeks ago can slide very quickly from funny albeit embarrassing to sad albeit vicious faster than you can say "three car bombs, please." After all, nobody needs a Sunday morning reminder of his sexual "shortcomings," if you know what I mean.
To have something in writing, something that he or she can hold on to and look back on whenever he or she feels so inclined, is the kiss of death for a healthy break-up. I personally have an entire folder in my e-mail labeled simply "stupid," in which I keep every single idiotic email I have ever received or (far more frequently) sent. It serves as a reminder of why email should be used solely for relaying made-up excuses for missed classes to disgruntled professors, and never for matters of the heart and/or libido.
The same goes for AIM. If you find yourself chatting online with your significant other, thinking how easy it would be to just send him a Dear John IM with a sad face attached, smack yourself. Put down the mouse, step away from the keyboard, and smack yourself. A tear running down the cheek of a small yellow-faced person does not do justice to weeks, or months, or years of emotional baggage, no matter what your 12-year-old brother says. Certain emotions cannot be adequately expressed in writing and certainly cannot be articulated by a selection of sixteen neon faces. Relationships of all kinds deserve a face-to-face, heart-to-heart, honest-to-goodness conversation; something that can't be achieved through the incoming IM chime.
There are some guidelines for this face-to-face conversation as well. Avoid using the standard break up clichés, such as "It's not you, it's me," "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now," or "I have gonorrhea and I caught it from your roommate." Though you might think you're letting him or her down easy, both of you will be better served by an honest and open conversation. If there are personal reasons you can't be together, explain them. If something your significant other did pissed you off, tell him or her about it. Sometimes a break-up can be thwarted by just talking about why one or both of you are unhappy. And if you do catch an STD from his or her roommate, apologize sincerely, then schedule an appointment at Dudley Coe for both you and the roommate in question ASAP.
While nobody seems to disagree with the Carpenters, Mariah Carey tells us to simply shake it off. Toni Braxton, on the other hand, begs to have her heart unbroken. Kelly Clarkson can't even cross the street after a bad break-up. Regardless of how you deal with it, the fact remains that relationships should make you a better person, both during and after the fact. You should learn from one another, and in an ideal world, each of you should walk away with the feeling that you benefited from knowing one another. Indeed, candor bordering on brutal truth can be good for a relationship, or if nothing else, make for a busy day at the health center.