Getting your foot in the door

Romancing with Riley: A novel coupling combination

We have an untapped resource among us. I know, it's amazing. I'm shocked myself. After three years here, I thought I had seen everything there was to see, done everything there was to do, and certainly conceived of every possible coupling imaginable. I was wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the senior girl and the first-year boy.

Romancing with Riley: Good break-ups are possible

The Carpenters have always told us that "breaking up is hard to do." And for anyone who has ever dumped someone, or been dumped, or has been friends with someone who has been dumped, you know just how true those lyrics can be. The end of a relationship, regardless of the length or intensity of emotion involved, is always a tragedy on some level. You no longer have someone to quote poetry to in your AIM profile, and your extra long twin bed feels empty. You miss his smile, or her eyes, and you really miss getting a piece of him or her on a regular basis. The sun stops shining, the birds stop chirping, and you begin to realize how small a Chamberlain double actually is now that you're sleeping there every single night.

Romancing with Riley

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

November 4, 2005

You've done everything right. You've made the initial contact, and your crush is interested and intrigued, but not afraid that you will show up outside his window at 3 a.m. with tear-streaked cheeks and an oversized stereo above your head blasting "In Your Eyes." The two of you connected on such a deep level that neither of you even bothered to finish those PBRs you waited 20 minutes in line for. You wandered back hand in hand to whoever's room was roommate-free that weekend and spent a magical early morning together, eventually discovering your mutual love of "Arrested Development" and the Rose Bagonia at Scarlet B's. Maybe you got to first, maybe you hit a home run; regardless of how many bases you rounded, you're pretty sure you hit a hook-up grand slam. This person is great, and you're attracted to him or her on all levels. But now what? How do you get your foot in the door and secure another date, or another hook-up, or anything that will take you one step closer to an honest to goodness relationship?

Many of my friends have successfully pulled off the Screen Name Drop-Off. This maneuver is usually feasible because at some point in your evening with your newfound soulmate, a computer will most likely come into play. You can pretty much bank on it?whether she's putting together a playlist full of songs directly off the as-seen-on-TV album "Tha Down Low," or the only available DVD player on which to watch the "Family Guy" movie is the one built-in to his computer. All you need to do is find 30 seconds when the object of your affection isn't looking and click that buddy list set-up button. Add your online moniker, click "save," and return to the amazing scene in which Stewie and Brain get drunk and crash their car through the wall of the Drunken Clam.

Of course, my caution here would be against putting up an awkward away message the next day along the lines of, "At brunch with my girls, but still dreaming of last night with you-know-who!" or some lame song quote involving any lyrics from John Mayer or Boyz II Men. Either he will be more than a little freaked out when he checks this new mystery buddy's away message, or all your friends who see it will throw up--and it will have nothing to do with their hangovers.

Another solid, computer-related move would be the next-day email. If you choose to go this route, make sure you keep it breezy. Let him or her know how much fun you had the previous night, and that you'd love to see him again, if only to return his XXL Deerfield Lacrosse sweatshirt and size 12 flip-flops. As always, I have a brief word of caution regarding this method as well: Beware of writing this email in a state of mind that is anything other than stone-cold sober. You would not believe the things that will flow out of your fingertips after you've done a keg stand or two, and nothing makes your stomach drop faster than opening up your "Sent" folder on a Sunday morning, only to find an email to your crush in the "Sent To" column and a subject line that reads simply "drunken email."

If you're interested in something a bit more personal, might I suggest the Complex Network method? This technique involves a bit more people skills and a lot more finely tuned stalking skills than the two previous schemes I've mentioned. The Complex Network is comprised of every single person that both you and your crush know: mutual friends, friends' boyfriends or girlfriends, roommates, his or her teammates, friends of his or her teammates, and even professors if you're feeling extra ballsy. It is your job to talk to every single one of these people to find out as many useful details about your crush as possible. At which off-campus house does your crush like to party? Does she frequent Joshua's or Sea Dogs? Does he eat in Moulton or Thorne? Which window does she sleep nearest to, in case you might need to stand outside of it with a boom box and your favorite Peter Gabriel tape? These are facts that are on a must-know basis if you are going to lay any sort of legitimate groundwork or score an invitation to a party to which your crush may or may not show up.

Regardless of which method you choose, the fact remains that the most important part of a hook-up is how you handle yourself afterwards. Remember, keep it breezy and keep it light.

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