Ethan Lam

…with America.

Was that title reminiscent of 2014 YouTube clickbait? Potentially. Was it unfair? Maybe. But did it grab your attention? Hopefully.

Since I already have you here, let’s talk about the one thing that seemingly everyone in my life has been avoiding—myself included—the 2024 presidential election. It’s been about two weeks since the election, and I know I have never felt a stronger desire to turn off the news notifications on my phone and to tune out America altogether.

But, in an attempt to hopefully keep you around for the rest of this column, I will write my thoughts in a, perhaps too long, extended metaphor about the trials and tribulations of a long-distance relationship—with America, that is.

I started my semester abroad hoping I could keep “this long-distance thing” going with America, no matter what stuff she did in the fall, and I feel it’s only fair to follow through. We started this relationship, this social contract, about 250 years ago. To be honest, I cannot believe we’ve lasted so long.

Most of you reading this article are on campus—you don’t have to do this whole “long-distance thing.” But my relationship with America is a choice, one that I work hard to make happen. Every day, I choose to read the news and stay involved with us—to stay involved with the U.S.

Every several months or so, America and I have a falling out. She doesn’t listen to me, or do what I’ve been asking her to do for what feels like ages. We try to keep our relationship democratic, but sometimes it feels like my opinions and feelings are being ignored. Sometimes, it feels like America’s not the right fit for me. One of those times is right now.

America seems to be sliding down a slippery slope—one I’m not sure I can help her out of. I’m anxious about our future, and I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I have no idea where we’re going.

I can’t see the future three months from now, and I sure as hell can’t see the future four years from now. That fills me with existential dread. How can I carry on with our relationship when I don’t know what is going to happen to us—to the U.S.? How do I know America won’t hurt me in the end?

The one sure thing about my relationship with America is that this idea of “us”—this idea of the U.S.—is always changing.

I stuck around with America in 2016 because I saw a nation of people who wanted to mend their relationship with her. People went out and talked about what they wanted out of their relationship with the country. And two years, then four years later, they took action, and they voted into office an America that better reflected what they wanted.

That’s the thing about relationships. They grow, and they change—just like people (and countries) do.

I don’t think I realized just how much America changed over the past four years from the country I knew her to be in 2020. That’s partially my fault. I didn’t talk with America. I didn’t communicate with her as best as I should have.

To jump out of my long-winded metaphor for a moment, I don’t think the Democratic Party communicated with America this election cycle. They talked to the people who made them feel good about themselves, but they did not listen to America. If they did, they would have known that America was not happy—and that America wanted to go back to her toxic ex.

In a month, America’s and my long-distance relationship is coming to an end. I’m going to be back with her, on the same ground. Hopefully, a common ground where I can listen to her, and we can talk about where we see our future going. But, many of you, those who are planning on studying abroad this spring or next fall, are going to be in the same long-distance relationship I am in now.

I want you to know that it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be hard, and it’s going to be a lot of work. Sometimes, you’re going to want to avoid anything that has to do with America—that’s okay. That’s normal. But I hope I can instill in you the knowledge that your relationship with America will likely never end. Unfortunately, no matter where you go, America, your first relationship, will follow you. You have to decide if you want to be a part of the group that is going to be actively involved with your country, or if you want to sit around and idly wait for your relationship to change for the better.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but your idealized version of the country will never come to fruition unless you start having an active relationship with America. So let’s talk, let’s stand on common ground, and let’s get to work building the country, and relationships, we want in our futures.