It's the off-season place. It's where you go when you don't feel like caring and it's time to eat your feelings. When asked if it's good, you sheepishly respond, "It's not not good."
It's an MSG-filled gluttonous adventure that will leave you passed out on your couch for days. Placed just a stone's throw from campus, Asian restaurant China Rose provides Brunswick's premier greasy Chinese buffet fix.
The only real way to get there is to pile a bunch of your friends into a car so that it is extra uncomfortable on the way back. It's a lazy Sunday, you're still feeling the night before, but big dog's gotta eat.
The building is divided into two areas, the restaurant and a "cocktail lounge." We veer right to steer clear of the tinted windows of the lounge and head into the restaurant.
The smell of greased woks and cheap Asian sauces consumes you and attaches instantly to your clothes. You'll get a few looks from the locals but don't let that throw you off.
The hostess carefully guides us through the buffet to our table. Already, I see some gems. I find the largest plate and carefully plan out my attack.
The buffet is divided into double-sided rows of heating trays with all the cheap Asian classics like General Tsao's chicken and fried rice. I start at the front and work my way up.
I go for a trial plate first, a little bit of everything, and then see what's worth going back up for. The first tray of food was a disappointing attempt at sushi. I decided to pass up on the cream cheese roll. I also skipped the salad bar and soups because I know better. That's not what I came here for.
I finally make it to the fried dumplings and load up on the pork dumplings and what appears to be a shrimp shumai. If you've had cheap, greasy dumplings before, I don't need to tell you how good they are.
I keep going and find some interesting dishes like soy-ginger squid, which, though overcooked, was one of the highlights. But here's the kicker: pepperoni pizza and mozzarella sticks. Outrageous. I skip the pizza, but I'd be lying if I said I passed on the sticks.
There are some assorted fried pastries that take up one of the rows. You're here to let loose, but you still have to be able to walk out. Continuing on, I come to the meat. The orange beef was ignorantly over-sauced, as were many of the other meat dishes, but when tossed and coated with pork-fried rice, it still hits the spot. Go for the imperial pork riblets and various lo miens.
At the end of the meal, you sit proudly in your seat and think how you really took them for a ride with how much you ate. This all-you-can-eat spot will only run you $6.95 for lunch and $11.95 for dinner, but I'm sure it only cost them $3 to make my whole meal.
Taste: 2 stars
Authenticity: 1 star
Value: 5 stars
Overall: 2.5 stars