From the kitchen to the bed

Celebrating Sex: Exploraling Bowdoin

Brain salad surgery, tipping the velvet, gaining knowledge, muff diving, eating out, head job, getting dome, sucking off, rolling cigars, and lolly-gagging. Goats do it, hyenas do it, and even sheep have been known to take the plunge. Do ewe know what we're talking about? Oral sex can be a great addition to your sexual repertoire. This seductive skill is easy to learn, but hard to master.

Celebrating Sex: Discovering the upside of getting down

Dear Silent Majority, Your correspondents were shocked that we could have erred as egregiously as you pointed out in your illuminating epistle to the editors. BMASV, Safe Space, Out Peers and Allies, SASSMM, Peer Health, V-Day, Speak, Sex 101 and the Vagina Monologues simply do not provide a large enough forum for the intellectual discourse that you so fervently desire. Bowdoin does deserve a better sex column, one that points out the rampant risks and rare rewards of sex, so that innocent Bowdoin students won't be duped by our "overriding manifesto," stating that despite the risks and consequences, sex should be enjoyable. As every "highly intelligent, highly rational" Bowdoin student should know, sex is a highly rational and highly intelligent process.

Celebrating Sex

This piece represents the opinion of the authors:

October 16, 2009

Hey babe, want to engage in some sweet sitophilia tonight? As your partner runs screaming out of the room, you'll probably realize that the fastest way to desexualize a fetish is to call it by its proper name. Sitophiliacs are those who find sexual arousal from incorporating food into sexual activity. Food play holds a prestigious position, as the most culturally acceptable sexual fetish. Subtypes include meat, fruit or vegetable fetishes, Nyotaimori (the ritual consumption of sushi off of a naked woman) and yeastiality (sexual activity centering on baked goods).*

Let's consider some criteria for selecting sexy snacks. You should not feel the need to limit yourself to traditional aphrodisiacs, as Western medicine has debunked any physiological impact that they were said to have (sorry to ruin the Placebo Effect).

However, for believers in sympathetic magic, bananas, oysters, sausages and Gushers all make good choices. Pragmatic partners should choose foods based on taste, texture and viscosity. Good choices may include: whipping cream (don't forget the whip), chocolate or fruit in any form, cookie dough, honey, yogurt, custard or even hot sauce (don't get burned).

That being said, there are some things you might want to avoid. No matter how much you love Gefilte fish, you'd probably do well to leave it out of your sexual forays. You might want to check with your partner to see if they have any food allergies because, while honey is sexy, hives are not.

Don't involve meat (sexual slang aside) if your partner is vegetarian. If he or she is vegan, you might just have to reconsider food in general.

If you are into outdoor hookups, just remember that bears, wolves and squirrels like Nutella as much as you do. You don't want to start an impromptu threesome.

Though a romantic dinner can make a great first date, it is probably a good idea to hold the hot sauce on your first hookup. Dinner serves as a great way to get to know your partner, but it may be best to take some time before moving food off of the table and into the bedroom.

Finally, some delicious tidbits: You can use olive oil, extra virgin or otherwise, as a safe lubricant in an emergency. Fruit can sweeten semen, and bitter and acrid foods (read: beer) can make it taste foul. The temperature of foods can add another level of excitement. Alternating between drinking hot tea and sucking on ice cubes while performing oral sex can create an explosive combination.

Hookup Spot Review: Thorne Dining Hall—Super Snacks. If you nail this spot, you may be remembered as the sloppy drunk thrashing around on the table tops, but then again, why not? Out of courtesy to others, who may actually remember your drunken display, you might want to retire to somewhere discreet. However, for the exhibitionists, why not try a table front and center? The flashing lights and music can heighten the excitement, but we strongly suggest that you do not implement the nachos, cookies or hot dogs in public.

*Despite popular belief, alcohol does not constitute as a food.

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