Have you ever wondered how that girl gets all the guys' attention or how that guy somehow manages to attract all the girls? If you're a part of this generation, then you are in one way or another familiar with "the game".
"The game" phenomenon has made its mark on pop culture with shows like VH1's "The Pickup Artist," movies like "Magnolia" starring Tom Cruise, and books like the New York Times Bestseller "The Game" by Neil Strauss.
The art of picking up the opposite (or the same) sex has been pushed from smoky bars and seedy clubs and into mainstream American society through an explosion of writings, seminars, television programs, and movies. What is particularly jarring about the mainstream recognition "the game" has received is that when asked about how to pick up the opposite (or the same) sex, the usually confident and talkative Bowdoin student body is eerily silent.
When I asked a group of friends about how a prolific male sophomore "player" here at Bowdoin is able to attract an astonishing large number of girls despite not being traditionally attractive or smart, the overall response was that he "has it." When I pressed them further, they simply replied, "Well, he has game."
What exactly is game? Does one genetically inherit game or is it something that can be learned? My incredibly astute group of friends, in between bites of delicious cheese quesadillas, universally replied that it can't be learned but rather is inscribed in one's DNA.
I, however, have to disagree. Being a sociology major, I can only believe that nurture plays a pivotal role in being able to attract the opposite sex. After reading Strauss's "The Game," I'm more than certain than ever that I'm on the right track.
Strauss, in his book, penetrates the self-proclaimed "Society of Pick-up Artists" and himself becomes entangled in this strange and seductive subculture. The "Society of Pick-up Artists" is a group of men and women who, through the wonders of the internet, were able to compile and communicate over 12,000 pages of literature on psychology, sociology, biology, chemistry, and, yes, even hypnotism.
If you haven't figured it out yet, these men and women were the ones who didn't "have game." In fact, Strauss reports that most of them had severe developmental and psychological issues that were mitigating factors behind them becoming unhealthily engrossed in the pick-up artist community.
By essentially creating a science of attraction, these folks were consistently able to attract members of the opposite sex regardless of their income or looks by developing patterns of outward confidence and scripted routines that stood in for real charisma. What is even more shocking is that Strauss reports that he himself and these other "Pick-up Artists" were wildly successful at their newly developed craft.
Sounds nearly impossible, doesn't it? I thought so too, and then I talked to the aforementioned sophomore and asked him how he was able to attract such a large number of girls in a tight-knit community like Bowdoin. He claims that he has three techniques that he consistently uses to tell if a girl is attracted to him.
The first is breaking the ice through conversation. This step, he claims, is the hardest and most important because people are often too scared to approach member of the opposite sex. He says that fear is the main reason both guys and girls don't have game.
In a scathing critique of the Bowdoin population, he said that "most of you reading this right now have, at some point recently, made eye contact with the girl or guy you are attracted to, but instead of sparking up a conversion and getting to really know that person, most of you became immediately gripped by the fear of rejection, looked down, and blushed."
My informer's second technique is showing that he can maintain an ease of conversation. He says, "Even if you really have nothing to say, you must be engaging and positive. Being energetic, actually listening, and finding commonalities really goes a long way." He claims that before he approaches the girl, he will always have a few questions and stories in reserve, in case he runs out of things to say.
His third technique, which is what he calls his signature move, is the close talk. The close talk breaks, what he calls, the "touch barrier" and lets the girl know that he's attracted to her. I then asked how he learned all these seemingly logical techniques.
He simply replied with, "Life's too short to live with the regret of not getting to know a person you're really attracted to."
While popular culture has highlighted the extremes of "the game" phenomenon, there is still a treasure trove of knowledge about attraction that we here at Bowdoin could use to get to better know each other.
While using terms like technique, running game, and picking-up are problematic in that they objectify the person of the opposite (or the same) sex that we find ourselves attracted to, if they help you gain self-confidence and start you on the path to developing a meaningful relationship, then I don't see anything wrong with that.