Feminism isn’t about Ivies. Obviously. Feminism is a collective movement to end sexist oppression. But the Orient needed more content this week, and I wanted to write about Ivies. Everything I know about Ivies I learned as a baby. A raspberry-Pinnacle®-drinking, crop-top-wearing baby. I was abroad in Prague last spring where I learned to drink like a grown up. Don’t worry though, I got back to Bowdoin and promptly forgot. Cheers!

Friendly competition between friends

Two of my friends and I are doing a personal Miller High Life case race. The rules are simple: 10 days, 30 beers each. We tell this to men, and they laugh. “We can succeed in a man’s world,” we retort and shotgun 12 ounces of lukewarm piss water to prove it. Get creative with your consumption. Make your Annie’s Mac and Cheese with beer instead of milk. Word on the street is that it’s “actually not that bad.” Make a beer mimosa. Pour for a round of pong. Slip your half-drunk cans to obliging strangers. But no matter what, don’t give up.


Start referring to your friends as your coven. Host a séance. Burn incense. Summon spirits. This can be a restorative activity for Friday evening as you claw through your post-Brunswick Quad hangover. Maybe drink tea. (Just kidding—you should drink a Miller High Life.)

Goddess worship

It snowed on Tuesday. That’s fucked up. We’ve all got to play our cards right with Mother Nature for the concert on Saturday. Get your coven together and say a little prayer to the goddesses for a warm, dry Ivies. Please. Baauer will be better if we have to watch him through sunglasses—trust me.

Fiber Craft

Celebrate the feminized and marginalized practice of craft. For example, I knitted myself a crop top. Email me if you want the pattern. It’s probably too late to knit one now, and your fine motor skills deteriorated days ago, but it’s never too early to start thinking about next year. 
There are other ways to get crafty: tie dye your socks, rip up a t-shirt, bedazzle a water bottle. If you’re lucky, your craft can also serve as a beer-soaked souvenir!


Keep all that good stuff you learned during Consent Week in mind. Smashed and hooking up is not always the safest combo. The best Ivies Bae is a communicative Ivies Bae. And let’s be real, you’re probably going to feel so shitty that you just want to snuggle anyways.

Feminist tracks for the pre- or post-game:

 1.  “Can’t Get Enough Of Myself” by Santigold. “All I wanna do is what I do well.” For me, that’s knitting and drinking Miller High Life.
2.  “Love Myself” by Hailee Steinfeld. This song is about female masturbation.
3.  “Townie” by Mitski. “I am not gonna be what my daddy want me to be. I’m gonna be what my body wants me to be.” I can do her one better. Neither my daddy nor my body wanted me to drink 30 Miller High Lifes in the past week. I showed them.
4.  “Bottoms Up” by Keke Palmer. Did you know she released this song in 2007, the same year she starred in the Disney Channel original movie “Jump In!”? 2007 was also the year I got my braces off. Bottoms up! (Miller High Life).
5.   Didn’t Beyoncé do something recently?