Tavernello Pinot Grigio: getting what you pay for

Bottom of the Barrel: Red Truck wine appeals to chill(ed), easygoing drinkers

The wine had a picture of a truck on it, so we kept it in the car. Wines are best kept in cars. Freshly-chilled pinot noir in hand, we poured two glasses that resembled cranberry juice.
Fortunately, the drink was so cold that we couldn’t tell whether or not it was actually wine. Pinot noirs, like most reds, are not meant to be drunk cold. When cold, a 2011 Red Truck pinor noir tastes like tannic cherry, with a lackluster body. After utilizing traditional warming techniques like clenching the bottle between our thighs and breathing on it very hard (not blowing, that would cool it), our Red Truck was turned on and ready to go.
Pinot noirs are an ancient grape varietal possibly dating back 2000 years, but as of late have become associated with France’s Burgundy region, where they reached their greatest prominence. The grapes—though relatively difficult to cultivate—are grown in most of the world’s wine-producing regions due to their popularity in their production of higher-quality wines.

Bottom of the Barrel: MD 20/20: an adult wine made of Kool-Aid & soap

With the holiday season upon us, we wish to remind you all of the importance of family and friends—those who support, cherish, and most of all love you. MD 20/20 will love you. It will greet you with a gentle kiss, a splash of color. It will whisper sweet nothings into your ear, grab you by the hair, and smash your nose into the sink. You will wake up in a bathtub full of ice, your kidney gone, and the empty bottle of Mad Dog Blue Raspberry faithfully by your side.
MD 20/20 is produced by Mogen “Shield of David” David in Westfield, N.Y. It’s made from Concord grapes, sugar, flavor and, we suspect, Scrubbing Bubbles toilet bowl cleaner for the color. We can only assume that it’s the terrifying love-child of the Kool-Aid man and a demonic bottle of Welch’s.
We sampled both the dragonfruit and blue raspberry flavors. We’ve never heard of wine pressed from Concord grapes, but the blue raspberry bottle was wearing a necklace that said “bling bling,” so we assumed it was a winner. Both pour vibrant neons: a highlighter left to soak in a glass of water. Light moves through the liquids lazily, the opacity hiding smudges on the glass, broken dreams or our dignity.

Bottom of the Barrel

Tavernello Pinot Grigio: getting what you pay for

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

Dan Lipkowitz and Ryan Peabody

Columnists

November 15, 2013

Trevor comes home from school.

“How was school?”

“Okay. We had a test.”

Trevor got a C. You look across the table at Richard and wipe the speck of onion from the meatloaf off your upper lip. “How was work?”

“Okay. I didn’t get the promotion.”

Later, you sit in your chair and try to sort out the lump in the upholstery with your lower back. “Seinfeld” is on again. That episode where they see who can go the longest without masturbating. You’ve seen it, but it still makes you laugh. A little. Your husband asleep on the couch, you walk across the linoleum into your kitchen and open a bottle of Tavernello Pinot Grigio. Perfect.

Tavernello gives you the feeling that everything is just okay.

Tavernello inspires neither enthusiasm nor criticism. Crisp and refreshing characteristics are found here, as well as the sense of unbearable mediocrity that sets in on Tuesday nights. (We’re hump day kind of guys.)

The pinot gris grape originated in the Burgundy region as a mutant clone of the Pinot Noir grape, which you might recognize from our previous column or the movie “Sideways.” (Besides Wikipedia and simply lying, “Sideways” is our primary source for this column). While pinot gris encompasses clones of the grape grown around the world, only wines produced from clones grown in Italy earn the title of pinot grigio.

Many types of wine are made from pinot gris, varying in color from pink to orange. Most wines have some fruity characteristics and acidity, depending on the region and style. Pinot grigios in particular are bright and high in acid.

The Tavernello pours a pale yellow with a clean, pear-apple nose. It is light and refreshing, with some mild fruit flavors. Because of the lacking presence of tannins, an acidic body cuts through the slightly watery mouthfeel.

That said, the pinot is incredibly easy to drink. There are no standout flaws with it; it just does not stand out. It is average, and I hope it thinks of us someday when it lives in the Connecticut suburbs with 2.1 children and 1.6 cars.

The two of us endorse the following as perfectly mediocre: Tavernello pinot grigio delle venezie, “Shrek 2,” Bowdoin coffee, Toyota Previa, Colby College and Connecticut.

Additional notes:

Ryan: We had a really great “pairs well with” but the Orient wouldn’t let us use it.
Dan: It was really clever and possibly offensive.
Ryan: Definitely offensive. Definitely the right call.

Nose: 2.5/5
Body: 2.5/5
Mouthfeel: 2.5/5
Taste: 2.5/5

Pair with quiet desperation. $4.79 at Morning Glory Natural Foods.

Comments are permanently closed.