Winter makes people ugly.
Before I get my head taken off by angry readers for that statement (since apparently saying people are ugly is a capital offense to some), let me clarify my position. I am not saying that winter changes people's physical attributes for the worse?as far as I know, no one grows a second head or a tail with the advent of the cold. Rather, there is something about winter that makes people both look ugly and act ugly. And with the delightfully long winter here in Maine, there is a lot of ugliness.
Let's start off with physical looks. It is impossible to be attractive in the winter. There is a difference between looking good?someone can wear a vest, a hat, a sweater, three pairs of pants, boots, gloves, and a jacket and still look good?and being attractive. No one, and I mean no one, looks attractive when they're all bundled up and trudging around campus, doing the silly ballerina/duck walk so that they don't fall on the ice that covers approximately 90 percent of the ground area of Bowdoin. Not to mention the effects of the weather on people themselves?nothing screams raw, unbridled sexuality like pasty skin, running noses, and hacking coughs. Honestly, does anyone fantasize about people in L.L. Bean and North Face? Even the marketing people for clothing companies seem to give up on sex in their winter lines. Summer ad campaigns are filled with attractive, barely dressed people bouncing up and down, splashing around in the water, or, in the case of Abercrombie, doing things that are not legal in most of the red states. Contrast that with the marketing for winter clothes?people sitting around a fire, skiing, or out walking their dog in the snow. Fun activities to be sure, but not really based around sexuality.
Now, as we all know, attractiveness is not based solely on physical looks. As any guy will tell you, and really really mean it, it's personality that really counts. And winter does a number on personality as well. Think about the campus in spring?people walking around outside, bubbly, laughing, stopping to talk to friends or even casual acquaintances, everyone cheerful and friendly. Now think about winter?people hustling to get to their destination, heads down, frowning, curt responses if any to people walking by. Does this mean they are bad people in the winter? No, it does not. A long winter just sucks the life out of people. Think about the casual conversations you have with people in both spring and winter. In the spring, you run into someone in the afternoon, and ask them what they've been up to. "Went for a run this morning, grabbed a bag lunch and did some reading on the quad, then got into a Wiffleball game with some random people at Brunswick. I think we're gonna grill burgers and watch the sunset a bit later."
Contrast that response with the answer to the same question in the middle of February. "Eh, I woke up, huddled under the blankets for a few hours, drove from the Tower to the Union to pick up some soup, came home, and watched 10 episodes of "The Surreal Life" in a row. I think later I'm going to drink old beer until I pass out in a pile of my own filth."
I'm not trying to completely bash winter here?I don't want any avid skiers or snow-shoers or sledders hunting me down and pelting me with snowballs. But the fact is that winter sucks the attractiveness and personality out of people. By the middle of March, looking around Bowdoin reminds me of a campus of zombies, except without the usual charm of the undead. This state of affairs can only be rectified by the glorious coming of spring...or as we call it in Maine, mud season.