Sophomores Mikey Jarrell, Wiley Spears and Matt Glatt, who also broadcast Bowdoin sports live for WBOR and have a weekly radio show, muse on sports at Bowdoin and beyond.
Mikey Jarrell: Wiley, what were you were saying about the NFL getting rid of kickoffs?
Wiley Spears: John Mara, the New York Giants owner, recently said that NFL owners are considering eliminating the kickoffs from the game entirely. I guess they would just have teams start from the 20-yard line.
Matt Glatt: That'd be like taking the ugly out of "Ugly Betty."
WS: I think this is an atrocity the likes of which the world has never seen!
MJ: Honestly, I don't think we're losing too much. Kickoffs are uninteresting, since they started kicking from the 35-yard line last year, almost 50 percent have resulted in touchbacks. At this point it's just another excuse for a commercial.
WS: What about the other 50 percent of the time, Mikey? A kickoff return touchdown is one of the most exciting plays in all of sports. How can you justify eliminating such an important special teams play other than the fact that you think it is "uninteresting"? Have you been taking your crazy pills today because you are talking straight nonsense.
MG: Glad to see the "crazy pills" joke survived the millennium.
MJ: We're missing the point here. They're doing this for the same reason they moved the kickoff line up: player safety. Kickoffs have consistently been the most dangerous plays in football.
MG: Not only are kickoffs themselves dangerous—I mean, the kicking team's players get 45 yards to build up steam for a head-on collision with the receiving team—but you also have to look at what kind of players are on special teams. You've got all these guys who want to impress their coaches and earn a higher-paying role as a starter on defense or offense, so they're more likely to ignore their own personal safety and just let it fly.
WS: These players are being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play sports for a living. They understand the risks when they decide to enter the NFL. Taking away such a huge dimension of the game is going way too far, and I think it's destroying the NFL.
MG: So I guess the question is this: Are all these player-safety measures being taken by the NFL actually bad for the game?
MJ: Maybe. But let's be honest, nobody's going to watch a game of football next year and say, "Boy, I really wish we still had kickoffs. I don't think I'm going to watch any more games this year."
MG: It seems like all those lawsuits being filed by former players have scared them into making a lot of changes: harsher penalties for violent hits, improved handling of concussions, and shorter kickoffs.
WS: Yes, people are still going to watch. That isn't the debate. You can argue for player safety all day long, but you cannot argue that taking away kickoffs is good for the actual game. Sure, maybe it's good for the sport and its longevity, but you can never convince me that this is the right decision for the integrity of the game that Walter Camp drew up close to 150 years ago.
MG: I'm tired of you guys bickering. If it's not this, it's over characters in Smash Brothers or which condiment is better. Let's just move on to our no-fail predictions.
WS: Okay, try this one on for size: Andrew Bynum will make the world forget about Kobe Bryant during the upcoming NBA playoffs.
MJ: Bynum will also become the second person ever to get a negative score on his IQ test. JaVale McGee will be the first, of course.
MG: I predict that the Miami Marlin's home run statue will seriously injure someone before the end of the season.
Tune in to the columnists' show, "Mike and Wiley in the Morning," from 2 to 3 p.m. on Wednesday afternoons on WBOR 91.1 FM and wbor.org.