As I hurried into the cozy Wine Bar in downtown Portland, already 35 minutes late and discombobulated after a week with three midterms and an orgo quiz, I felt relieved that I was finally meeting up with one of my closest friends for a relaxing night. I was excited to reminisce with someone who feels like a sister to me after several months of not seeing each other.
But alas, as with many of my close girlfriends, her sex questions poured in immediately. "So what should I do about this god damn dry spell, girl?," she said, between sips of pinot noir. To be perfectly honest, I really didn't have a good answer, at least not immediately. For one, I am not a senior, and therefore, I can't totally relate. I also happen to be happily satisfied with the relationship that I'm in, and it's hard for me to imagine single life right now.
"I'll get back to you," I told her, rather hesitantly. Since then, I've given this "dry spell" some serious thought, and here's what I've come up with.
Senior dry spell: what, who, why and how? Just to be sure that we're all on the same page, the senior dry spell generally refers to experiencing a long period of time (senior year) without something, in this case, sex. Seniors on college campuses across the nation, including Bowdoin and University of New Hampshire (where my friend studies), often experience this for a variety of reasons; just ending a relationship, too focused on classes/huge projects, more concerned with their social lives with friends, and perhaps, not as obvious, concentrating too much on finding someone for a casual or committed relationship.
Now that we're clear on what the infamous senior dry spell is, how do we deal with it and possibly break it?
The first piece of advice that I have to offer, that comes strictly from experience, is to take advantage of being single. After being pretty sexually active in high school, and then being in a three-year relationship that carried into college, I was all of a sudden single at the end of my freshmen year. And yes, part of it sucked a lot. Once I was able to get over the fact that I was not necessarily going to have as much intimate and gratifying sex as I used to, I realized that being single was the perfect time for me to really learn about myself, and what I wanted in a relationship.
During my sophomore dry spell, I learned more about who I was and what I need from a relationship. There was something about being on my own and having unlimited time to reflect on what I had already experienced, that gave me so much insight into myself, my body and what I truly believed in.
OK, so I'm not going to ignore the fact that dry spell = lack of sex. Don't worry. So when I think about what seems to frustrate people most about being without a significant other/someone to regularly hook up with, what immediately comes to mind is the lack of pleasure.
For many, if not most, sexual pleasure feels best when it comes from someone who cares about you and knows how to satisfy you, both physically and emotionally. But it doesn't have to be like that—at least not always. In fact, if that's the only pleasure you're familiar with, it is certainly worth your while to experience pleasure in a different way, such as pleasing yourself.
I have no doubt that many people on this campus, both men and women, masturbate. However, I have no idea how many own vibrators or other sex toys. Even though a lot of people like to talk about and brag about them in a nonchalant way, I often wonder how many actually own one and enjoy using it. Whatever the numbers are, if you haven't yet, I would highly recommend it.
Owning a vibrator, aside from the obviously gratifying pleasure that it can give you, also grants you with a very healthy kind of power over your body, something that I believe every college-aged person should experience before they graduate and head out into "the real world." It certainly isn't anything to be ashamed about, even if it's a whole new world to you.
I would urge everyone to check out Nomia, a sex shop located at 24 Exchange Street in Portland, Maine. The owner, Gina Rourke, was actually on campus at the "Sex and Sexuality Open House" last Friday, and she sold many sex toys and great books—overall a huge hit.
As the Web site claims, "Nomia is dedicated to enhancing people's lives with the belief that as we gain greater freedom and pleasure in our intimate encounters, we will be able to generate a greater capacity for generosity and open communication in both our private and public lives."
So, if you get there, and you're still stuck, try out the LAYA Spot vibrator. I promise it won't fail you...and it works for women and men.