Let’s talk sex, baby: Top 10 reasons to do the deed

In honor of sex, love and passion: The more the merrier

During Winter Break, I spent a significant amount of time traveling with one of my closest friends, who happens to be one of my go-to people for in-depth chats about relationships, hooking-up and of course, sex. That said, we started talking about the typical "hook-up" scene at college. You know, the whole "meet someone at a party, head back to bed, brunch the next day, and 'I'll see you around' type of thing." It was interesting to learn from my friend, who attends a large university in New York City, that a similar phenomenon also occurs frequently at large schools. We came to the conclusion that colleges naturally foster "casual hook-ups" that are not only easy to achieve, but also desirable, especially given how explorative they can be. Bowdoin students have been particularly critical of the all-too-common hook-ups, claiming that the College lacks a proper and wholesome dating scene. In short, it has been suggested that hooking up is evidence that students here are neither prepared nor mature enough to pursue more serious relationships.

In honor of sex, love and passion: Fed up with labels and lingo? Here’s one more: pansexuality

In light of being in college, a time in our lives during which we should all feel liberated to explore our identities and sexualities, I think it's only appropriate to discuss something that, in my opinion, is often terribly misinterpreted: bisexuality. According to Anatasia Toufexis's article in Time Magazine "Bisexuality What Is It?", many people have the common perception that bisexuals are basically "just straights with a taste of exotic adventure or essentially gays who are unable or unwilling to acknowledge their true orientation" (Toufexis).

In honor of sex, love and passion

Let’s talk sex, baby: Top 10 reasons to do the deed

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

February 19, 2010

I'm going to start off this piece the same way that the funny old lady who played with dildos did on her famous late night sex show: Let's talk sex. (For those of you who don't know who I'm referring to, it's Sue Johanson, host of the late night sitcom on the Oxygen Channel known as Talk Sex).

At college, "talking sex" with people often stimulates a wide range of discussion, especially since we are all not always on the same page in terms of our sexual experiences and desires. In other words, you have people who've had sex, have sex all the time, and haven't had sex at all. And in between are all the people who do have sex, even regularly, but all for slightly different reasons.

To top it off, there are people who have sex with men, women and definitely with both. So what I mean by "having sex for different reasons" is going to be one of the most critical points that I hope to convey about sex, and all that it encompasses: we all have different sex drives and desires, and what ultimately leads us to "do it" and enjoy it is not universal. That said, I often receive strange, and surprised stares when I make this claim, especially from those who have decided that sex comes with a rule book about when, why, where, with who and for what reasons we should have it. All I have to say to that is b-u-l-l s-*-*-t.

It would really make me happy if more people, particularly at the college level, would just stop and think about all of this for one minute. Consider the fact that as much as we are all human beings and share very similar DNA, we all have slightly different biochemistries, much of which dictates our attraction to people, and of course our individual sex drives.

Furthermore, the anthropologist in me wants to emphasize the fact that we all come from distinct backgrounds and upbringings where we've had our own experiences discussing, having and fantasizing about sex, as well as exploring our own sexualities.

That said, given that we are all different from each other both biochemically and socially, it should not be difficult to grasp the concept that we all want something specific when it comes to sex. Some of us want the penetration, some want the intimacy, some want the foreplay, and some just want to f***. Others like to keep it regular and conventional, while some like to change it up and be spontaneous. Some love sex with women, and some love it more with men.

Many want to wait for the person whom they fall in love with and establish a deep, intimate connection to before they "do the deed." And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, numerous studies have shown that some of the most fulfilling sex happens between two partners who are intimately connected and in love with other.

That said, I think that it is irrelevant to compare the kind of sex you have and your personal desires to that of other people; rather, people should focus more on what they really want out of sex and to communicate this with those who they chose to sleep with.

If you're curious about some of the ways to get more of what you want from sex, I would highly recommend any of Ian Kerner's books. A sex therapist and best-selling author from New York City, Kerner has answers to any question you've ever had about sex, pleasure and relationships. Feel free to ask him a question by e-mailing him at ian@iankerner.com, or check out some of his great books (some are even available at Bowdoin's Sex Library, which is located at the Resource Center for Gender and Sexual Diversity at 24 College Street).

A short list of some of Kerner's proclaimed masterpieces: "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman," "DSI: Date Scene Investigation: the diagnostic manual of dating disorders," "Be honest, you're not that into him either," and one of my favorites, "Passionista, the Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man." (Let's just say that while reading this particular book on several different airplane rides I had women and men alike consistently peering over my shoulder).

And hey, if you do decide that you want to have sex, for whatever reason or desire that compels you to, it certainly comes with a whole bunch of health benefits. Turns out that sex really can be good for you in ways that you may have never imagined.

Here's the top 10 from the Web MD site (http://www.webmd.com). By the way, if you haven't checked out this site before, I highly recommend it for any health-related questions or concerns that you have.

10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex:

1. Sex Relieves Stress - Sex can lower blood pressure and overall stress.

2. Sex Boosts Immunity - Having sex 1 to 2 times per week is linked to higher levels of antibodies which can protect you from colds and other infections.

3. Sex Burns Calories - Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more, and doctors claim that it is in fact a "a great mode of exercise" (Patti Britton, PhD).

4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health - Having sex can reduce the risk of having a fatal heart attack in half for men.

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem - Great sex begins with self-esteem, and in turn, it raises it.

6. Sex Improves Intimacy - Having sex and orgasms increases levels of oxytocin, the so-called "love hormone," which helps us bond and build trust.

7. Sex Reduces Pain - Having sex allows for more oxytocin to surge, endorphins to release, and pain to decline; it can definitely reduce headaches, arthritis and PMS.

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk - Frequent ejaculations from sex, especially among men in their twenties, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life.

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles - Along with strengthening the pelvic area, women can enjoy more pleasure through Kegels exercises and reduce their risk of incontinence later in life.

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better - Oxytocin released during orgasms promotes sleep.

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