During Winter Break, I spent a significant amount of time traveling with one of my closest friends, who happens to be one of my go-to people for in-depth chats about relationships, hooking-up and of course, sex. That said, we started talking about the typical "hook-up" scene at college. You know, the whole "meet someone at a party, head back to bed, brunch the next day, and 'I'll see you around' type of thing."
It was interesting to learn from my friend, who attends a large university in New York City, that a similar phenomenon also occurs frequently at large schools. We came to the conclusion that colleges naturally foster "casual hook-ups" that are not only easy to achieve, but also desirable, especially given how explorative they can be.
Bowdoin students have been particularly critical of the all-too-common hook-ups, claiming that the College lacks a proper and wholesome dating scene. In short, it has been suggested that hooking up is evidence that students here are neither prepared nor mature enough to pursue more serious relationships.
Although there may be some truth in the critiques of Bowdoin's dating or, more accurately, hook up scene, I personally believe that regular, random romantic interactions aren't all bad, provided that both individuals are fully aware of their actions and are not harming themselves or their partners.
Rather than focusing on the pros and cons of hooking-up and the ways in which Bowdoin might develop a more traditional dating scene, I'd like to focus on the other end of this subject: polyamory, a world of non-monogamous relationships that isn't simply hooking up with lots of different people.
So what is it? A new spin on polygamy? A toned-down promiscuity? Not quite.
Literally, polyamory translates to "loving many," but more generally refers to consensual, romantic love with more than one person.
In a recent Boston Globe article entitled "Love's New Frontier," Sandra A. Miller describes the polyamorous lifestyle that hundreds of people in Massachusetts are practicing, and thoroughly enjoying.
Not to be confused with the patriarchal man-with-many-wives polygamy, "polyamory has a decidedly feminist, free-spirited flavor, and these are real relationships with the full array of benefits and complexities," writes Miller. Some polyamorous individuals have pursued such a lifestyle because they feel unable to fully express their affection when confined in a monogamous relationship. The basic principle of polyamory is that individuals should set aside the traditional view that one—and only one—person will undoubtedly meet all of another's needs (and not just sexual) in an intimate relationship.
In the article, Dossie Easton, a licensed family therapist who lives strictly non-monogamously, claims that a range of benefits comes with a polyamorous lifestyle. Some of these include the freedom to engage in relationships that are not centered on life partnerships, but that still provide people with different perspectives, adventures in sexuality, and ultimately, new connections with a greater range of people.
Many who never felt a natural inclination towards monogamy have found open, polyamorous relationships to be more fulfilling and suitable for themselves. And just to prove that "it works" for more serious families, several polyamorous couples featured in Miller's article have children who are aware of their biological parents' multiple partners and don't seem to mind.
For what's it worth, the lifestyle of polyamory is worth pondering especially since it highlights the fact that it is OK, and very human, to not always be totally satisfied—be it emotionally, physically, or sexually—by one person. Even if polyamory is not always applicable to college students, a style of relationship that is focused on awareness and being vocal about personal feelings and desires is certainly one that should be discussed more openly.