Picture yourself walking into a charming Irish pub. In one corner, you see a scraggly fiddler spurting out Celtic-inspired jigs, fueling the group of dancers huddled around. Along the bar, a white-bearded sage ruminates over his wooden pipe and shares his wisdom among those within listening range. Glasses are raised and clinked together, and laughter abounds. A plump, rosy-cheeked bartender gives you a wink and asks, "What's it gwin' t'be?" It's decision time. You ask yourself, "Which beer best fits this scenario?"
Clearly, your choice would have to be a beer with its roots set firmly in Ireland. What could be more uniquely Irish than an Irish stout? Also known as dry stout, it is a distinctive type of ale defined by its relatively dark color and creaminess. It is one of few beer styles that includes roasted barley in the brewing process, a step that results in its slightly "charred" flavor. Smooth, creamy, and thoroughly Irish?the perfect beer for the Irish pub.
You might be tempted to think that your work is done at this point. But, alas, there are many Irish stouts. To aid you in the decision process, I face-off two of the most popular: Guinness Draught and Murphy's Irish Stout (both $7.95 for four pints at Uncle Tom's Market).
Murphy's is undoubtedly smooth on the palate. It sports a subtle, coffee-like aroma and flavor, and its charred bitterness leaves a satisfyingly crisp aftertaste. It appears a heavy or filling beer, but it is surprisingly drinkable.
"It's light and watery, but not in a bad way...not like a Corona Light," the Resident Cowboy says.
In the words of my friend Jimmy, unlike other characteristically "smooth" beers, Murphy's won't give you the "gassy stomach."
Sean, one of my tasters, noticing how the level of Murphy's in our shared glass has dropped, apologizes, "Sorry, I took a big gulp."
In the service of beer-tasting, I seize the opportunity and ask, "How did you like the big gulp? Like, how's it compare to just a sip?"
With his characteristic Irish charm and commitment to objectivity, he answers, "I'm biased?I always like the big gulp."
My tasters and I open a Guinness. We notice it is somewhat creamier than Murphy's. However, it lacks the bitter, charred flavor that defines Murphy's. This absence is not a problem in and of itself; if you taste carefully, you'll realize Guinness actually has almost no discernible flavor. While Murphy's primarily impacts the tongue, Guinness seems to miss the tongue entirely, transitioning directly from the lips to the back of the throat. What little taste can be ascribed to Guinness is a vague sourness, an unsettling contrast to Murphy's pleasant bitterness.
Tasting aside, Guinness's product is also linguistically annoying. "Guinness" is hard to spell, and "draught" is hard to pronounce (a debate between Jimmy and the Cowboy over the correct pronunciation eventually devolves into alternate exclamations of "draft" and "drout").
Perhaps our preference for Murphy's can be explained in part by its elusiveness. While Murphy's rarely appears even in supermarkets, Guinness is a staple at both supermarkets and bars. (During the tasting, Sean raises an objection. "Wait a minute," he says, "you see Murphy's on tap quite a bit in Canada." "But we're in America," Jimmy retorts. And all this time I thought we were in an Irish pub!) Sean's point conceded, an unfortunately high number of the young Americans who have had Irish stout have only tasted Guinness. Choosing Guinness over another comparable beer out of familiarity leaves little room for exploration. In addition, it inhibits you from trying out some really good brews.
Guinness Draught is a decent beer, and works well as an alternative to other light-bodied beers. Compared to Murphy's, however, it lacks a distinctive flavor. I wouldn't go quite as far as the Resident Cowboy, who says it "tastes like cardboard," but compared to Murphy's, it seems that way. So, my advice is to: a) imagine yourself in an Irish pub, even if it's really Uncle Tom's, b) live adventurously, and c) try a Murphy's Irish Stout. (Guinness: 6.5/10, Murphy's 8/10).