I've noticed at points along my two-year Bowdoin career that we seem to have a controversial reality in our midst. Hushed though it may be, it's proclaimed by some with a distinguished sense that "everybody thinks they know this, but I really know the truth." I could perceive the same attitude of superiority when fellow Chicagoans told me that a little-known project in Kuala Lampur (which yeah duhhh I had heard of...) had in fact surpassed the Sear's Tower as the tallest building in the world. Or when some show-off in my 8th- grade English class said, in the midst of our reading of "Hamlet," that it was actually a matter of serious dispute whether William Shakespeare could actually be responsible for the theatrical classics we read today. It's a parade-raining, bubble-bursting, fuller-of-useless-knowledge-than-thou manner of speaking, and I've heard it used more than once on our very campus:
"Did you know that the Bowdoin Dining Service actually isn't No. 1 anymore? All the pamphlets and stuff are, like, wrong. It's some kind of culinary school, now."
"What culinary school?"
"I dunno, but we're, like, definitely not the best anymore. How much does that suck?"
Light bulbs! Explosions! Revelations! Epiphanies! We supposedly sink to No. 2 in some 3,500 colleges and universities nation-wide, and suddenly I don't know who I am anymore.
Oh, wait, yes I do. Because, just as I realized that the Sear's Tower is still really tall, and that "Hamlet" is still really good, I realized very quickly that the Bowdoin Dining Service (who, despite the rumors, is indeed No. 1 in the Princeton Review rankings), is really, really, almost absurdly, good. I think, and have always thought, that it's next to impossible to complain about the cuisine we're offered three times a day. I've probably eaten more vegetables this week than I did up until age five. I haven't been to a lot of other college dining halls, but I'm willing to make a bet that the vast majority of them don't chop up portabella mushrooms and make them into burgers offered to vegetarians and vegans.
Which is why I was rendered absolutely speechless the other day when I left Thorne, knocking back my nightly cup of granola, and read something out of the corner of my eye that said, verbatim, "I think there was something wrong with the mushroom burgers tonight. They tasted a lot better before." And, even better, that the batter used at the make-your-own-waffle station at brunch was "kind of watery," and could the Dining Service "maybe add more flour and eggs and less water and milk?" I don't know about everyone else's breakfast rituals, but if I'm not at Bowdoin, mine are summed up in two words: "Luna," and "bar." When I first saw that not only did Bowdoin have a make-your-own waffle station, but that they had actually gone through the trouble of molding the Bowdoin insignia on the iron, I thought I had walked into a Four Seasons Easter Brunch. Where was the giant bunny?
The point here is that some members of our Bowdoin community, concerned about our standing, have decided to use the comment cards to keep the Dining Service at No. 1. A lot of cards are complaints about some of the greatest assets of the dining hall. Some people can't get enough: "Can we have banana chocolate chip muffins all the time pretty please???" Others too much: "Can you not have all the good dinners on one night, forsaking other nights? Tonight there was chicken noodle soup, chicken parmesan, and pizza!" (To this I say, do as the real polar bears do, and eat enough tonight to hold you over for tomorrow's dinner; our Arctic counterparts do it before winter hibernation all the time.) In any case, I think it's safe to say that our campus has gotten a little spoiled by the luxuries of mushroom burgers and banana chocolate chip muffins.
But, apparently, I'm not the only one to notice this; there seems to have arisen a counter movement of comment cards. People have started to speak out against the brazen audacity of some contributors: "Less rude comment cards!" "The mushroom burgers are great. People need to spice up their lives," or "Bowdoin dining services rock!" For some time, there was some kind of civil war taking place on the bulletin boards in both Moulton and Thorne, protestations against unwarranted criticism. Determined to restore the honor of Patty and the Dining Service she stands for, students have overtaken the bulletin boards with encouragement and laudations for our rightfully distinguished dining halls.
This upsurge of retaliation cards has been coupled by what can only be called a Comment Card Renaissance. Recent comment cards have been the epitome of good manners; they're sprinkled with "please," "thank you," and every request is accompanied by a compliment. If someone misses low-fat lemon poppy seed muffins on Wednesdays, they love the peach yogurt just as much; maybe you think that it'd be great if they offered barbecue sauce with the pork, but seeing blueberry pancakes at dinner is great! XOXO! Athletic contributors recently followed up requests to have both hot entrée lines open later for those coming from practice with cards thanking the Dining Service for following through on this request.
This Renaissance, or as it's known in layman's terms, "politeness," is a movement that needs to be carefully followed and considered by Bowdoin diners. Despite the spattering of misinformed speculation on whether or not our Dining Service is actually No. 1 in the country, we've been granted an incredible service. The Bowdoin campus knows how outstanding the food here is, and my suspicion is that all these comment card writers really do, as well. Maybe we just all need to calm down, kick back, and enjoy our mushroom burgers.