My, how the time does fly. It seems like just yesterday the Texans were making arguably the most questionable decision in Draft Day history when they selected Mario Williams and not Reggie Bush with the first overall pick, effectively guaranteeing them another disappointing season. At least the defensive end out of N.C. State has shown good form on his post-sack jump-shots. Nevertheless, here we are rapidly approaching Week 14 with a mere four games remaining and Bears quarterback Rex Grossman has yet to be benched! I mean a 1.3 rating is solid if it's out of 1.4, but out of 158.3...good lord.
Amazingly though, Boston Red Sox G.M. Theo Epstein might be even worse. Major League Baseball's winter meetings kicked off earlier this week in Orlando, where mediocrity somehow always manages to suddenly become priority number one (*cough* Gary Matthews *cough* $50 million over five), and the boss in Beantown decided to bring in J.D. "I-am-almost-the-exact-same-player-as-Trot Nixon" (No. 7, hard-nosed, bombarded by injuries) Drew to replace Trot Nixon himself, who actually has more career RBIs than the former Dodger/Cardinal (523 to 509). Oh, but Drew's worth $70 million and Trot isn't? OK, just checking.
But back to the NFL: With a logjam of teams fighting for the final playoff spots in both conferences, and assuming that each current division leader (Patriots, Ravens, Colts, Chargers, Cowboys, Bears, Saints, and Seahawks) hangs on, allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade...Laser....Blazer, as well as the forecast for the conclusion of the regular season; who gets in and who gets left out.
AFC
Denver Broncos (7-5)
Jakey, Jakey finally made his big mistakey. After a disappointing performance against the Chiefs two Thursdays ago on the premiere of the stall-happy/primarily-unavailable NFL Network, Jake Plummer was benched by Head Coach Mike Shanahan, replacing the former Arizona State Sun Devil with first-year quarterback, Jay Cutler of Vanderbilt, in hopes of jumpstarting the offense. But as the rookie discovered this past Monday night versus the Seahawks, he isn't in Nashville anymore. Cutler let his inexperience take over throwing two key interceptions (one of which was returned for a Seattle touchdown), and losing at home at Invesco Field, 23-20 on a game-deciding 50-yard field goal by Josh Brown. And with games remaining against formidable opponents San Diego and Cincinnati, it looks like the Broncos will have to wait until next year to let the youngster develop. You should've pulled Jake's plug sooner, Mike.
Verdict: (9-7) Out.
Kansas City Chiefs (7-5)
How do you blow a 14-point lead in the fourth quarter to the Cleveland Browns? Worse, how do you blow a 14-point lead in the fourth quarter to the Browns and their point guard of a backup quarterback? OK, so obviously Cleveland's Derek Anderson isn't the same guy riding the Charlotte Bobcats' bench, but the sophomore from Oregon State led Romeo Crennel's crew to an improbable come-from-behind victory at the Dawg Pound this past Sunday, beating Kansas City 31-28 in overtime, making the Chiefs' playoff status that much more uncertain. The offense was evidently not the problem with Trent Green throwing for 297 yards and four touchdowns, and Larry Johnson amassing 110 yards on the ground on 28 carries. The defense, or weakest link on the other hand withered as the game progressed, the Browns' exploiting the Chiefs' slow, elderly secondary led by veterans Ty Law and Sammy Knight. Three of KC's final four games of the season include match-ups against the heavily favored Ravens, Chargers, and Jaguars, which is why Head Coach Herm Edwards will undoubtedly have his team ready to play to win those games. It's just too bad that he made that inspirational speech four years ago; four years too late as it seems.
Verdict: (9-7) Out.
Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5)
Even without Byron Leftwich, Jack Del Rio's gang still has thrived under the guidance of backup quarterback David Garrard, who was 16 of 22 passing this past Sunday for 229 yards and two touchdowns in a 24-10 win over the Dolphins. Unfortunately for the Jaguars, however, their terrific run is about to come to a jolting halt with games left against the powerhouse Colts, Patriots, and Chiefs. Now if only Tom Coughlin were still the head coach.
Verdict: (8-8) Out.
Cincinnati Bengals (7-5)
Cincy's nameless defense saved its season last Thursday night when it held Steve McNair's Baltimore Ravens to a mere seven points, ultimately sealing the victory 13-7. Momentum is now in their favor, and as long as Carson Palmer stays healthy and Chris Henry stays out of jail, the Bengals can effectively ride their potent offense into the postseason. That is of course if they can get by Peyton Manning, Champ Bailey, and Ben Roethlisberger.
Verdict: (10-6) In.
New York Jets (7-5)
I like the Simpsons, so I'm cool with you calling me Marge, Lisa, Bart, or Maggie. Just don't call me a Homer in this case. Yes, it's true that the Jets' schedule this season has resembled that of a Pop Warner team, but under first-year head coach Eric Mangini, Gang Green has become one of the most surprising clubs in the NFL. If Chad Pennington can reduce his turnovers, and the defense, led by Jonathan Vilma (55 tackles), can continue to solidify, the Jets could be a viable threat down the stretch. While the Jets fought the Packers on Sunday, CBS commentator Phil Simms declared that Laveranues Coles and Jerricho Cotchery could be one of the best wide-receiving duos in the league. And if Phil Simms said it, then it's gotta be true. One more note: New York doesn't play a single team over .500 for the rest of the season.
Verdict: (11-5) In.
Tennessee Titans (5-7)
I'm only kidding, but seriously, how good is Vince Young? Verdict: (7-9) Out.
NFC
Philadelphia Eagles (6-6)
I'd like to believe in Jeff Garcia's stellar performance this past Monday night against the Panthers that beckoned of the year's of old, throwing for 312 yards and three scores, but with their next three games on the road against divisional foes Washington, New York, and Dallas, and then having to finish the season with Atlanta, that burning flame of hope in Philly just got a little bit dimmer. They'll always have Ryan Howard.
Verdict: (7-9) Out.
New York Giants (6-6)
Eli Manning is too inconsistent, half the defense is gone due to injuries, and Mathias Kiwanuka would rather hug than sack an opposing quarterback. The Giants have the talent to make it to the playoffs, but have the toughest schedule the rest of the way with games against the Panthers, Eagles, Saints, and Redskins. Their record versus NFC teams (5-3) though, is better than any of their competitors', which would give them the upper hand in a tiebreaker.
Verdict: (8-8) Out.
Atlanta Falcons (6-6)
We finally saw Michael Vick reach his boiling point two weeks ago when the frustrated Falcon flipped off a fan that was heckling him after the team's fourth straight loss, falling to the Saints at home. The former Virginia Tech Hokie then rebounded nicely last week against the Redskins, tossing a pair of touchdowns in a 24-14 win to climb back to .500. Atlanta will finish the season against the likings of the Bucs, Cowboys, Panthers, and Eagles and, much to Ludacris's chagrin, will continue its trend of playing .500 ball.
Verdict: (8-8) Out.
Carolina Panthers (6-6)
It's funny how one play call can cost you your entire game...possibly even your season. Monday night against the Eagles, the Panthers trailed 27-24 with less than 30 seconds remaining in the fourth quarter, the ball comfortably inside Philadelphia's 20-yard line. Panthers' head coach John Fox decided to go for the win, and had Jake Delhomme throw a fade to Keyshawn Johnson that was vastly overthrown and intercepted by Lito Sheppard, sealing the victory for the Eagles. As errant as the toss was, the Panthers' quarterback will find a way to bounce back; it is imperative that he does so. Basically, the team's playoff hopes are contingent on whether or not Delhomme suits up this Sunday at home against the Giants (he is currently listed as questionable with a thumb injury on his throwing hand). If he plays, say hello to the postseason. If he doesn't, say hello to Chris Weinke.
Verdict: (9-7) In.
St. Louis Rams (5-7)
I had to think twice about examining the three 5-7 clubs left (Rams, 49ers, Vikings), who still have an outside shot to get in; I'm glad I did. San Francisco and Minnesota's schedules are far too overpowering for each of them to handle, but St. Louis's appears to be just right. Regardless of the recent confrontations between starting quarterback Marc Bulger and offensive linemen Richie Incognito and Alex Barron, Scott Linehan's Rams still comprise a solid squad led by running back Steven Jackson (1,028 yards rushing) and wide receiver Torry Holt (910 yards receiving). They will face the 10-2 Bears at home Sunday night in a game that will determine their season. Should they lose, it'll be all but over. But if they win, their next three games are against the beatable Raiders, Redskins, and Vikings, which should enable them to decide their own destiny the rest of the way. Hey, ex-Rams head coach, Dick Vermeil: wouldn't the Rams look awesome with a record of 9-7? A lot of guys might not reverse that.
Verdict: (9-7) In.