I want to know what happened to dating at Bowdoin. Where did it go? I know you've probably heard this gripe before, but I'm serious. We need to bring dating back to Bowdoin.
The random "hook-up" phenomenon has become widely accepted as the status quo at most colleges. In other words, it's perfectly normal to hook-up with someone you just met. Ok, I can see the intrigue the first few times, but after that it just becomes so meaningless. Somehow I don't think that drunken sex with someone you hardly know is what the sexual revolution set out to achieve.
Maybe it's traditional of me to want dating at college to come back, but I don't think I'm the only one. My single friends are always complaining that no one goes out on dates at Bowdoin. I was sitting with my beautiful, smart, funny friend the other night at dinner when she revealed that, while she had hooked up with a bunch of guys, she had never been out on a date at Bowdoin....and she is a senior! One guy friend said, "It's too awkward to ask people out on dates at Bowdoin. I'm afraid they will think it's weird." It's not weird to ask someone out on a date, it's nice and it's civilized.
Getting to know someone before you engage in physical intimacy just makes sense, and a lot of the time it makes the "hook-up" better once you know the person. One of the biggest reasons why I think a lot of people are hesitant to go out on actual dates in college is because they're terrified of spending one-on-one time with someone of the opposite sex?sober.
You may argue that you're not looking to get to know the person, so going on a date isn't important to you. What you want is random, casual sex. I'm all for random hook-ups once and while, but doesn't that get old fast?
On the whole, it seems Bowdoin is divided into two groups: the random hook-up crowd and the people who have been dating since their first-year pre-O trip who spend every waking hour together. There's not much in between, and I think that's part of what many people find dissatisfying about the dating scene, or lack thereof, at college.
While randomly hooking-up may feel good in the moment, there are often lots of uncomfortable aspects that you have to deal with the next morning. I've talked to students, both men and women, who often felt bad about what had happened the previous night, the morning after a random hook-up. It's really, really awkward to have to see this person, whose last name you may not have even known before you stuck your tongue down their throat the night before, around campus the next day. You bump into them in the dining hall, and you can barely make eye contact, or muster the strength to say hello. I won't lie?I've struggled with these post hook-up, sober interactions myself, and when I think about it, it's really messed up.
I know we're living in a post-sexual revolution society where both men and women can ostensibly enjoy unattached sex without any real stigmatization, but I'd like to ask students at Bowdoin this: Wouldn't you prefer to go out on a date before getting physical? I'd like to know if girls and guys hook-up without really knowing the person or spending time with each other beforehand because they want to, or because they think it's what the other person wants, and what they think the college culture we live in demands of them. We're all entitled to our own sexual opinions and choices, but I can't help but find the overall social culture in college dominated by the sexual desires of men, and not women.
In some ways, women today are told that we shouldn't want to go out on a date. We don't need men to take us on a date because dates are, no pun intended, dated. A lot of us have come to the conclusion that the date is just another form of male chauvinism, as it is often thought of as something men must both pay for and initiate. It's great we've come so far in our battle for equal rights and sexual choice, but are we happier, more fulfilled, more sexually satisfied as young women and men today than we were 50 years ago when "the date" was still going strong? I'm not convinced that we are.
For those women who are skeptical about "the date," believing it's just a way for people to delay the inevitable (sex), and for men who feel burdened by the societal pressure to have to be the one to ask the woman out, maybe we should consider reversing the roles a little more seriously. Maybe both girls and guys should be less timid about asking their crush out on a date. What's the worst that will happen if you actually get up the courage to ask your love interest out? They'll say no?not the end of the world. Or maybe the date will be bad?at least you'll have a funny story to tell your friends. In the end, the possible benefits of going out on date with someone you might really like greatly outweigh the slightly bruised ego that comes with rejection. So go on, show a little class, a little poise, and ask that cutie who sits next to you in class out on a date...nothing good in life comes easy, right?