What food means to me
December 6, 2024
When I first got to college, my go-to icebreaker question was, “Do you live to eat or eat to live?” Coming from Singapore, where food is an integral part of the culture and all of my friends “lived to eat,” I expected the question to be uncontroversial. I thought most people would easily choose the former, so I was surprised to hear how many of my new friends “eat to live.” Hearing their (disappointing) answers provoked me to think more about how our different backgrounds shape the ways we engage with food. To me, food is so much more than the meal itself and the nutrition it provides; it is the setting, company and relationships that form the whole experience.
I used to be an extremely picky eater: I refused to eat anything green and was afraid of spicy food. As my palette matured, I grew to appreciate a wide variety of flavors, cuisines and dishes. In fact, I have now become the most adventurous eater in my family. As I grew out of my picky eating habits, the importance of food in my life simultaneously strengthened. Now, in the weeks leading up to my trip back home, my parents and I will call to brainstorm all the meals we plan to eat in the first week. Also, if my flight lands at an odd time, our new tradition is to go to a 24 hour roti prata place on the way home from the airport.
In Singapore, people dine out a lot, malls have more food than they do retail stores and meeting up with friends almost always means grabbing a meal (and, if not, food will still be involved at some point). Hawker centers are a key part of this foodie culture; they are open-air food courts where numerous independent vendors sell affordable dishes that reflect Singapore’s diverse immigrant history. The uncle who owns the dumpling stall in Newton Hawker Center knows my friends and me so well that he often throws in an extra dumpling for us. The family who owns a nearby laksa restaurant inquires about my sister and me when we are not there, and we no longer have to tell them our order. The auntie and uncle who own a coffee stall at a hawker center that my dad and I walk to almost every morning to get kaya toast, Kopi O, iced Milo and soft boiled eggs love to see us when I am home from college. The list of similar stories goes on. Thus, food has always taken up a lot of my brain space and shaped how I form and maintain relationships—a fact that I only realized was not universal upon coming to college.
Not only do I love to eat food, but I have always enjoyed baking, from helping my mom whisk pancake batter when I was too short to even reach over the counte to baking intricate cakes for my mom’s coworkers. Over time, I experimented more with cooking as well. In high school, I would come home very tired, so I would go to my room to decompress and do homework. Regardless, every night, my mom and I would cook dinner together. We almost never repeated the same cuisine twice in a row; we would play music, learn new recipes and chat. I always appreciated having a set time each day to spend with my mom, followed by eating dinner with my parents (and sometimes with my dog on the table with us).
At Bowdoin, meals continue to be a meaningful way for me to form relationships with others. We are all busy students involved in many activities, but we all have to eat, so meals are a great way to spend quality time with new and old friends. Consequently, I felt nervous when I got Invisalign this summer because my teeth get very sore for the first couple days of a new set of retainers. I opened up to my dad about being terrified that I may resent eating on those days when I usually look forward to spending carefree time with my friends at meals.
The ways I engage with food are a unique product of influences from my parents, friends, home and personal interests. Even when I am around new people and places, my cultivated food practices are so special and deeply ingrained that I manage to subconsciously maintain my “live to eat” mentality.
Subi Kalra is a member of the Class of 2026.
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