One of the three essay topics in Bowdoin’s supplement to the Common Application has to do with  the applicant’s connection to a place. I have always felt connected to the city I grew up in, but being a person of color who is constantly asked “where I’m from” (whatever that means), I always felt as though I was supposed to be connected to somewhere else. 

This summer, I took a trip with my parents to Puerto Rico, where my paternal ancestry supposedly lies. I was lucky enough to be able to spend time with my great-grandmother, stay in the house her late husband built, and look through photos of my older family members in their youthful prime. I met so many people who told me fantastical tales of my family that I felt like I was in a Gabriel García Márquez novel. 

Yet I have felt uneasy with the idea that I am “from” this place. Looking at the different shades of my family members, I have wondered how far back I would have to go in our lineage to figure out if we were related to the colonists or the colonized, the enslaved or the slave owners? It probably wasn’t just one or the other.

As a child growing up in a racist society, I wanted to hinder my color. I wanted to seem as white as possible. I used to rationalize to myself that because I was a relatively “lighter” person of color, I was probably more related to Spaniards than African slaves or Taino Indians. And that made me feel better about my identity. I obviously now realize how backwards and screwed up this mentality was. But this state of mind still exists in many communities, and its remnants within me are troubling. 

As I’ve matured, I have come to accept and embrace my identity as a person of color and mixed ethnicity to the point that I resent the colonial history of the places I am from. It disturbs me that the name of my great-grandfather’s hometown in is a Spanish name, that I have to speak the language of conquistadors, and that my mother follows a Christian religion which was violently imposed on her ancestors. These circumstances are not just facts of history, they are also incidents of trauma. And the trauma did not end after Puerto Rico and the rest of Latin America gained their “independence.” 

I don’t know the facts and figures of the Puerto Rican economy. I’ve heard that it’s relatively “high income.” But it is still a place with poor masses—men selling mangoes on every block, beggars outside of Walgreens, and people working odd jobs to make ends meet. People exoticize this tiny island; tourists fly in and stay at resorts and never really understand the reality of the place. It is important to realize that other countries are not your playground nor your charity case—they deserve the freedom to be autonomous entities. 

Things in Puerto Rico are not cheap. Gas is expensive and fresh produce is especially pricey. Fast food is everywhere and people readily support those establishments.

The Westernization of the island is especially disturbing because of how easily it is accepted. Puerto Rico is a commonwealth and, the way I see it, it is practically as colonized as it was when the Spaniards were in control. The people of Puerto Rico are used as a vehicle for Western interests. I couldn’t feel the strong connection to this island that I always yearned for when I visited because I was born in a place that profits from and actively contributes to its poverty and idleness. 

What is necessary in places like Puerto Rico is recognition of how the people have been wronged throughout history. So many countries cannot sustain themselves in this world economy because none of what they produce is for themselves. Puerto Ricans are made to feel grateful that they can freely enter the U.S., but don’t realize that they sacrifice so much freedom in their own country. 

The processes of exploitation, racism and colonialism do not go away with time. We don’t live in a post-racial or post-colonial society. We still live in a society that is designed to make the historically underprivileged fail. Those issues will become undone with honesty and dialogue, with a realization that things must change with thoughtful action.