Matt Glatt: There’s been a recurring theme to this week’s news.
Wiley Spears: Instantaneous delivery of online purchases via remote-controlled miniature aircrafts?
MG: No, sports news. I assume everybody saw what Jason Kidd and Mike Tomlin did last week.
Mikey Jarrell: Why don’t you bring our listeners up to speed?
MG: OK. Jason Kidd, head coach of the New York Nets—
MJ: —You mean point guard of the Nets.
MG: Nope. Not since Dontrelle Willis left the Marlins.
WS: Why are we talking about Dontrelle Willis?
MJ: Hey! Don’t hate on D-Train!
MG: Anyway, the Nets were out of timeouts late in a close game. Kidd said “Hit me” to one of his players, who then bumped into him, causing Kidd to drop his cup of soda on the floor, buying the Nets some time to draw up a play as the spill was cleaned up.
MJ: Genius.
MG: The next day, Pittsburgh Steelers’ head coach Mike Tomlin was standing unusually close to the sideline as the Ravens’ Jacoby Jones returned a kickoff. It looked like Tomlin might have slowed Jones down just enough to prevent a Ravens touchdown. Kidd was fined $50,000, while Tomlin’s antics cost him a whopping $100,000 and could potentially cost the team a draft pick. Fair?
WS: Absolutely. They clearly did it on purpose. They were both pretty sarcastic in their postgame press conferences, and you should have seen the grin Tomlin had on his face as he jumped out of Jacoby’s way.
MJ: But a draft pick, though? That seems harsh.
WS: The commissioners have to lay down the law. You want to nip this crap in the bud.
MJ: Do you? I think it’s fun. Kevin McHale got in Tim Duncan’s way the other day during an in-bounds pass; it was hilarious. That’s just good gamesmanship!
MG: So where do you draw the line? How is what McHale different from what Tomlin did?
WS: It’s not, in principle. McHale didn’t actually affect the outcome of the play, but the intent to interfere was there, so you have to fine him just the same. Gamesmanship is trying to ice the kicker, not wandering onto the field or court.
MJ: I don’t know, it didn’t seem like a big deal to me.
WS: If you let this stuff go, next thing you know you’ve got another Spygate on your hands.
MG: Speaking of the Patriots, Antonio Smith essentially accused them of cheating following their “miraculous” second half comeback against the Texans last week.
MJ: He sounds like a sore loser to me.
WS: It sounds like this is getting out of hand. What did I tell you?
MG: That you hate Dontrelle Willis.
WS: I never said that. I said that we have to curb cheating in sports.
MJ: I’ve always been a big fan of the little things in sports. You know, stealing signs in baseball, throwing pickoffs to give the guy in the bullpen more time to warm up, sticking your foot out underneath a jump shooter, etc.
WS: Yeah, it’s called cheating. Just like steroids. You a big fan of those, too, Mikey?
MJ: Chicks dig the long ball, Wiley.
WS: There’s a big difference between a pickoff and deliberate interference. The only way to control these coaches is to fine their pants off. Otherwise Jason Kidd is going to spill his apple juice on the court every time he doesn’t want to burn a timeout.
MJ: Obviously these guys crossed the line a little bit, but if you come down on them too hard I think you lose some of the more intriguing nuances of the game. There’s a lot of gray area here. And as Ty Cobb so eloquently put it, “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin.”
WS: Your accent is horrible. Look, the NFL isn’t going to fine Tomlin for every little thing he does to try to give his team an advantage. What he did transcends gamesmanship. That’s the distinction I am trying to make. Let kickers try to take a practice field goal after a late timeout. Let batters call a timeout right before the pitch. But this is a completely different level.
MG: Well, I think this debate has run its course. Do you have your No-Fail Predictions prepared?
MJ: Yessir. Marcus Smart will have the best NBA career of anyone in next year’s draft class.
WS: I’ll put my money on Jabari Parker.
MG: Josh Gordon and the rest of Mikey’s bench will outscore the starters on his fantasy team for the third week in a row.