After becoming jealous of his friend Wiley Spears’ radio show, Mikey Jarrell got in on the action and the two recruited IT master Matt Glatt to assist them in their radio endeavours. In addition to working Bowdoin sports broadcasts, they have a weekly show with Dusty Biron on WBOR, “Mike and Wiley in the Morning,” which airs Friday afternoons from 12:30 to 1:30. And now they’re back in the Orient for the first time since Peyton left Indy.
Matt Glatt: Did you see that Texans game on Sunday?
Wiley Spears: DID I SEE THE TEXANS GAME ON SUNDAY? Who do you think I am? Someone who doesn’t obsessively follow football?
Mikey Jarrell: I didn’t see the game. What happened?
MG: So Matt Schaub has been playing terribly—
MJ: He has? Doesn’t he have Andre Johnson?
MG: Yeah, but Schaub has been one of the worst QB’s in the league this year.
WS: In fact, his Total QBR of 37.9 puts him in the bottom 20th percentile. The Texans’ offense is about as explosive as a snail on Nyquil.
MG: LET ME TALK. The Texans fans have been calling for his head pretty much all season. They got their wish last week when he got injured playing against the Rams.
WS: And they started cheering!
MJ: For T.J Yates to come in the game?
MG: No! Well, I suppose that’s possible, but it sure seemed like they were cheering for his injury. There was a lot of backlash about this on various news outlets, and the fans have been universally condemned. But this seems to happen every year. I remember fans reacting the same way when Matt Cassel was injured last year. Are they justified at all?
WS: Encouraging physical harm to another human being? I don’t see any room for debate here.
MJ: Well, they are paying customers.
WS: So?
MJ: As Mr. Swackhammer from Space Jam would say, the customer is always right.
WS: If I walk into a restaurant, I don’t get to slap the waiter across the face if they don’t have waffle fries.
MJ: But you’re literally paying for your entertainment. The only reason these guys have a job is because of the fans who go to the games and watch on TV. And given how much tickets cost nowadays, they have the right to do just about whatever they want, especially when the dude who got hurt is playing terribly.
WS: No, that’s ridiculous. They’re still people. Injuries in football could be career-ending, and that’s their livelihood. And it’s just plain sick to root for people to get hurt if they aren’t playing well. Boo and cheer as much as you want, but not when someone is writhing on the ground in pain.
MJ: And what do you think people watch football for? Big time collisions, that’s what!
WS: No, you watch for the chess match: all the strategy, risk-calculation, research, analysis and guesswork that goes into every little decision, and then the skill required to pull it off.
MJ: All right, fine, so there’s more to football than just giant people running into other giant people.
WS: Obviously.
MJ: So then what do you call boxing?
WS: Uh, a sport. Why?
MJ: Well, boxing—or MMA or wrestling for that matter—is pretty much just people beating up on each other.
WS: What? No, that’s not what boxing is about. You’re rooting for a good competitive match, not for somebody to end up on a stretcher. Nobody wants that. You’ve got to draw the line somewhere. It’s a matter of human decency.
MG: Well, Mikey, next time your knee gives out I’ll be there with a standing ovation. Before we go, we need to do America’s favorite segment, back by popular demand, Mike and Wiley’s “No Fail Predictions of the Week!”
MJ: How about I make one my recent claims official: Mike Trout will end his career as the greatest baseball player of all-time.
WS: That’s your prediction? Something we won’t be able to verify for twenty-five years? Brilliant, Mikey. Mine has a slightly shorter timetable: Mikey will end his Bowdoin career as the worst predictor of all-time.
MG: New York’s hottest club is Wesh.