It has been for as long as I can remember, and I want to know where the good old days of dating went. You remember, the ones your parents tell you about. Chances are that they, or at least someone you know, has a story about how they dated in college, how the girl wanted nothing to do with the guy at first, but he won her over with his wit and charm. Sound familiar? I am afraid that we are not going to have any cute dating stories of our own to tell our children-if we even have any! Why? Because people at Bowdoin are unwilling to date.
For some reason our generation has decided that dating is too hard or too scary. We at Bowdoin are far more satisfied with the "go out, get drunk, and hookup" plan, only to deny that it happened by sneaking away in the morning or acting weird around the other person while in the serving line at Thorne. While there may be plenty of people who are willing to live by this policy, there are also plenty who are not.
"I've been looking for a serious girlfriend since I got here," said one junior, "but I haven't been able to find that despite knowing that there are plenty of girls out there looking for the same thing." So many people, men and women alike, are all looking for a lasting, meaningful relationship, but are unable to find it. "I feel like there is no good way to meet guys who want more than a one night thing," complained a freshman. "It is like this whole campus is unwilling to commit to anything."
So many of us who may want something more lasting fear that we will be taken advantage of by one of the "one night standers," so as a result we do nothing. Our own cynical attitudes are contributing to our inability to find a significant other. But what about dating? Can't people just go out on a date without it meaning that they have to then be considered "dating" or "going out"? This issue is comfort. Dating is uncomfortable, even if you do like the other person. It is not meant to be easy, but instead it is meant to be challenging. Going on a date is about learning something from the other person; it is about challenging yourself to understand the other person; it is about jumping out of your comfort zone for a few hours and feeling out uncharted territory.
How many of you have said or heard the following about the bowdoinmatch.com top ten list?: "I am definitely not compatible with most of the people on my list." Regardless of whether or not you are, how do you know until you give that person a chance? Maybe we are all too settled on what we think we want when we really have no idea. A sophomore commented to me the other day, "bowdoinmatch.com may not be totally right, but it has definitely made me take a second look at some guys on my list." Keeping an open mind about what kind of person we want to be with is the only way that we will actually find the person who we are ultimately meant to be with.
While this campus continues to grapple with the issues of diversity and our unwillingness to step out of our comfort zones, dating at Bowdoin is a perfect example. Everyone at Bowdoin is afraid to take risks. The only problem is that the highest returns come from the greatest risks, and those unwilling to take them will miss out. A friend of mine who is a senior told me once that she "thought it was cute that I ask girls out." Frankly, it is not cute; it is just normal. Outside our "Bowdoin bubble," people date all the time. Sometimes it is successful, and other times it is not; that is life.
We are heading into the two biggest weekends of the year: Ivies and Gala. This subject is particularly relevant right now, because everyone has a propensity to hook up randomly on Ivies and then suddenly need to find a date for the Gala the following week. For Bowdoin, this means the celebration of our cultural norm on Ivies, and then a sudden jolt of fear as we desperately try to work up the courage to ask that cute girl in class to the Gala. Alternatively, many who seek to cop out will tell you, "I'm just going with my friend," or "Naw, I don't need a date. I'm going stag." This is a mistake. We all have a great opportunity to try something different and meet somebody new. So dare to be a little un-Bowdoin, and take a risk. It may just turn into a great story that you will one day tell your children.