In the beginning, God gave mankind dominion over the beasts of earth (Genesis 1:26), and for millennia, the flesh of things that creep has enriched the lives and diets of all humans.
The joy of juicy spare ribs, the delight of fried chicken and the ecstasy of freshly seared steak—these are the unparalleled pleasures of life.
However awesome the carnivorous lifestyle may be, it is, nonetheless, under attack.
Walking into the dining hall, I quickly grab a tray and fumble for my utensils. Stomach growling, I cautiously approach the food server and scope out the situation.
Butterflies fill my stomach when I see, what I believe to be, sweet and sour chicken. But my joy quickly subsides when I discover the entrée of my eye is actually Honolulu tofu.
Now, I am sure the tofu tastes great, but I will never try it because it will never taste as good as the chicken it imitates.
Call me close minded, but it is my choice. Dining is all about choice: Moulton or Thorne, tray or no tray, this or that table; but the most important choices involve the food.
Bowdoin being Bowdoin, the menu accommodates a great diversity of palates.
Dining offers three general options, vegan, vegetarian and non-vegetarian, and for a long time, things have been harmonious. However, Meatless Monday removes the non-vegetarian option thus constraining the non-vegetarian lifestyle.
Now, there is plenty of wanton student activism on campus, most of it harmless, and even when it is annoying, we tolerate it for the good it will cause. But a line is about to be crossed.
Meatless Monday has been described as an attempt to promote healthier eating habits, but this is a façade. Presently, the studentry stands to suffer a loss of liberty for no just cause.
Political motives lie behind the War on Meat, and it has been promoted by a political group (guess which one).
The organizers of Meatless Monday care not about the effect of meat on students or the will of the students but only about imposing their will on campus proper. The bourgeoisie liberals seem to know what is best for society, the planet and you.
It all began not so long ago, when the climate prophets visited the altar of rationalism, and there divined an inconvenient truth: climate change apocalypse was imminent.
The prophets warned of melting icecaps, displaced polar bears and submerged cityscapes. But, they also spoke of a happier alternative: the paradise of climate stasis. Once climate change had been defeated, the weather would remain exactly as it had been before.
With our climate back to normal, we could then begin perfecting human nature. Getting to paradise would be difficult, but with mighty science in hand, the high priests of liberalism were prepared to lead the way to environmental salvation.
Using their powers of rationalism, leaders within the faith determined the obstacles to reaching the green paradise. Fossil fuels, capitalism and Republicans topped the list.
When cow farts were added, it became clear that meat-eating would have to go as well, and so the liberal bourgeoisie came to see their carnivorous folly.
Once enlightened, they imagined a liberal world order where every one lived beef-free, happily subsisting on beans and kale. Cows would not be slaughtered and eaten, but would provide transportation.
Not to worry, scientists would invent flatus filters for our bovine-mobiles, and of course we would scoop up the patties for home heating fuel.
Riding a cow to class would not be too awful, but kicking my meat habit would be hard. I am told, however, the health benefits of vegetarian life are substantial: anemia, vitamin D deficiency, pre-natal disorders, etc.
Given the dangers of quitting meat cold-turkey, I can understand why the advocacy materials for Meatless Monday argue that a vegetarian diet can be healthy "when done right."
It seems vegetarian diets are only healthy when artificially supplemented with the nutrients and vitamins usually found in meat.
Perhaps one cheeseburger-less Monday would do me good, but one Meatless Monday is merely the beginning. Make no mistake, this is an act of evangelism on behalf of climate jihadists.
The righteousness of their crusade is superseded only by its rationality. There will be no end to the social wars of the liberal bourgeoisie, only an escalation of imprudent attempts to fix flawed human nature.
This time the evil consequences will be marginal, but in our time, rationality will always threaten human liberty.
Still the problem remains: How could a one-day meat moratorium at Bowdoin College possibly influence emissions? Will mighty science report a decrease in incidences of bovine flatulence? Will Al Gore stop searching for ManBearPig?
Not only is the whole scheme ineffective, it is entirely hypocritical. Granted, awareness has been raised, but only if you include aggravation under the title.
It is likely that Meatless Monday will actually increase carbon emissions as people drive off campus, flock to the pub or hold protest barbeques.
To prevent doomsday, those who worship at the altar of rationalism would do well to engage in more legitimate measures that do not injure the liberty of their classmates.
For example, the pineapples we eat every brunch must be shipped from Hawaii, Mexico or South America. The feta cheese comes all the way from Greece.
Think of the emission reduction that could come about if students themselves agreed to settle for less exotic food for a day? A week? A month?
This would have a greater effect on green house emissions than the foolish and authoritarian war on meat.
Alas, the bourgeoisie liberal is happy forcing you to go without, but his pineapple and feta—they are quite off limits.