When I returned to Bowdoin, I was flooded with a host of wonderful and nostalgic feelings, and of course the excitement of being a senior. Chatting away with friends who studied abroad while happily munching through my first Bowdoin meal never felt so good.
What didn't feel so great was being reminded of the "hook up scene" at Bowdoin (and at most colleges) the morning after I arrived, while skimming through a New York Times op-ed entitled the "The Demise of Dating."
In the piece, Charles Blow describes the shift from dating to hooking up that has occurred in the relationships of our generation, and discusses the pros and cons of each culture.
Although some of the analyses seemed a bit outdated—such as the idea that only girls, and not guys, get tired of hooking up because the former expect steady relationships as a result—I did very much appreciate one aspect of the article: the observation that many college-age students appear to have lost the ability to simply get to know someone, and potentially ask them out.
While I would never condemn anyone for having a one-night stand, I am a little concerned with the ways in which young people feel they must act in order to "hook up" with someone (engage in any kind of sexual activity).
I am certainly not advocating a revolution in the way Bowdoin students explore their sexuality or the specific ways they go about doing that. I am, however, suggesting that it is worth discussing the implications of what not being able to introduce yourself to a stranger or simply getting to know someone who catches your attention might be.
Have we lost our ability to socialize with new people? Or do we think that this form of meeting people is somehow reserved for purely platonic relationships, and that anything sexual requires a different kind of introduction? Well, in my opinion, it doesn't.
I think it's time that college students take the opportunity to become more mature—not just academically, but socially. Bowdoin is a unique community filled with captivating professors, stimulating classes, and above all, really cool people. Why not get to know others the old fashioned way, by simply talking to them?
People who know me often joke about my fear of technology. But I firmly believe that, though technology brings us forward in gaining a better understanding of science and the world around us, it also moves us backward socially. We are becoming less and less able to interact comfortably with others, approach strangers, or simply talk to someone for the sake of meeting a new and interesting person.
I don't think there needs to be a huge difference in how we approach meeting others who we find genuinely interesting, whether it is for sexual reasons or not. If I met someone who caught my attention for whatever reason, why not introduce myself, get to know her/him better, and have a meal together?
Whether I ended up having a friendship or romantic relationship with that person is beside the point. What is far more important, in my mind, is that we focus on our incredible ability as human beings to engage with others and get to know them based on the quality of their character and personality, if nothing else.
Whether you are a first year or a senior, there's an incredible opportunity for each of us to take the time to develop or enhance our ability to socialize with people we are interested in and to get to know people before we go racing into a bedroom and start hooking up just because it is expected of us.
What is expected of us as young adults at Bowdoin is our ability to meet others, establish relationships and, have sexual encounters with people who interest and captivate you. And, most importantly, to do it all on your own terms.
So if you find yourself interested in someone, but too afraid to make a move, or not totally excited to get a room with someone, remind yourself that whatever you decide to do should be because you genuinely want to, and for no other reason.