While being completely broke is unfortunate for a number of reasons, the worst side effect of a nearly empty wallet is that it gets in the way of drinking. When you write a column on beer and barely have enough money to buy any, the issue becomes greatly intensified. Luckily for all of us, the beer gods have invented a way for those of us with only a few bucks to spare to enjoy some alcohol without descending to the depths of drinking malt liquor or bum wine (not to knock these beverages; they too have their place in certain settings...but "relaxed drinking" is probably not one of them).
I am, of course, talking about the six-pack of 16-ounce cans. Even though you get six cans, when you buy one of these six-packs you're actually purchasing the equivalent of eight beers (a typical can contains twelve ounces, and from there the math is simple), making them an almost unbeatable value short of buying a full 30-rack. Also known as pint cans or "tallboys," these sixteen-ouncers are available in lots of different colors and flavors (a.k.a. brands), most of which are very cheep, indeed.
Just as with fine and expensive beer, not all cheap beer is created equally. Some cheap beers are, at least for me, vastly preferable than some popular local microbrews (cough...Shipyard...cough) while others must be avoided AT ALL COST. If your only cheap options contain the words "Natural" or "Milwaukee" in their names, max out your debit card and worry about the overdraft later. Also beware of fake "cheap" options from the big three breweries; six Budweiser tallboys are usually about a dollar and a half more than their truly inexpensive counterparts.
First amongst my tallboy selection (in both chronological order and level of quality) comes Pabst Blue Ribbon, or PBR. I must admit some bias here: Not only has PBR been one of my favorite cheap beers for a long time, I can honestly say that in a lot of situations I'd rather have a PBR in my hand over anything else. Bias aside, I think it would be pretty hard to argue against PBR as the best tallboy option. It's pretty much as cheap as they come ($5.29 for six pint cans at Bootleggers) and tastes vastly better than its competitors. Pabst has the fullest body and best tasting flavor without any of the unappealing aftertastes that afflict so many other cheap beers. It is very difficult to put into words just how perfect PBR is. Just know that it is perfect.
My predecessor to this column, Scott Nebel, a man I very much respect, would disagree with me here. His cheap tallboy of choice was and is Narragansett, a Rhode Island-brewed lager. The price difference between PBR and 'gansett is negligible (about twenty cents more for a six), but the taste difference is not. Narragansett is by all accounts a very different beer from PBR; where Pabst is dry, 'gansett is sweet, and while Pabst goes down nice and easily, Narragansett's got a bit of a bite to it. Some might argue that this indicates a more complex flavor, and perhaps it does.
Nevertheless, Narragansett strikes me as having been produced with the idea of a nice lager in mind that has been somewhat stripped down in order to make the beer cheap. PBR, on the other hand, is a no-nonsense, bottom-up cheap beer, and if that is what you are looking for when tallboy shopping, it will forever remain your best option. Narragansett is nice for a curveball once in a while, but in no way will it ever become my cheap beer of choice, nor should it become yours.
PBR is king, but buying the same beer over and over again can over-saturate the palate, and the wise tallboy (or cheap beer in general) shopper needs some alternatives every once in a while. Narragansett is a fine option, (despite my bashing, which only really holds up in a comparison with PBR; objectively 'gansett is an excellent cheap beer and the only one I felt worthy for direct comparison to PBR) but not every retailer sells it.
Believe it or not, in a pinch Miller High Life is a pretty acceptable choice, as most beer-selling locations stock this common brew. Although it's produced by one of the big three, High Life is a bona fide cheap cheap beer, priced the same as PBR. I have never really understood how it is the "Champagne of Beers" (I suppose they're the same color?) as Miller likes to claim, but it is drinkable if you can deal with a faintly sour aftertaste and slightly musty aroma.
If you are not physically or mentally equipped to handle living the High Life, Rolling Rock and Busch are a couple of fallback options I'd like to throw out there. I admittedly did not buy either of these before writing this column (money shortage, remember?) but if memory serves me right, they're both capable of getting the job done. Rolling Rock is on the light and flavorless side, and is incredibly easy to drink. Busch, on the other hand, gives the drinker a lot more flavor, partially in the form of a bitter aftertaste. However, it's no worse than your standard Budweiser, Miller, or Coors product, and if you can handle these you will have no problem enjoying a Busch or six.
The Bowdoin Orient has a promotion in partnership with Bootleggers Beverage Warehouse in Topsham, Maine. This week only, Bowdoin students can receive 10 percent off sixteen-ounce six packs of Narragansett, Miller High Life, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Rolling Rock, and Busch upon presentation of a Bowdoin ID.