Who doesn't love a friendly contest? People love competition, be it a race, a ball game or the new sport of who can be the first first year to get a ride to Parkview on Saturday night. May I use this forum to be the umpteenth person to implore fellow students to show a little more responsibility? But I digress.
It's the Winter Olympics, the time every four years where the whole (or at least the wealthy northern) world comes together to celebrate peace, freedom, competition and various other ideals. The Winter Olympics have the power to transcend international conflict, and have the power to transform our perceptions. When else could a sequin-wearing Russian and a feather-clad American capture the attention of all of society through their argument over which one was skating and which was merely dancing? Ouch. We have been witness to the biggest skating controversy since Johnny Weir vs. PETA.
These Olympics are incredible in that they have the power to make us care about sports that we never see or hear of for the span of three years and fifty weeks at a time. The most mainstream sport in these Olympics is hockey. Hockey.
How does one get into the "sport" of skeleton, for example? What child with no regard for life or limb decides to hurl themselves headfirst down an icy slide at NASCAR speeds on knife blades? Where does one practice such a sport? Apparently somewhere in Germany, they seem to love this stuff. Is there a biathlon little league? I feel as if I led a deprived childhood because my parents did not let me ski around with a rifle on my back. How many people play these sports? How many people are good at these sports? How hard could it really be to be an Olympian in such a sport?
Other questions: In many of these timed competitions, the difference between gold medal and last place is one second. "Huge mistakes" result in a loss of a tenth of a second. How good are these stopwatches, and who pushes the button? Could you argue with the timekeeper? Why are there X-Games events in the Olympics? Furthermore, we have to watch all of these contests on tape delay. In order to maintain legitimate suspense, we need to avert our eyes from all other news outlets until Bob Costas welcomes us to primetime.
After reading the above, you may have the perception that I'm not a big Winter Olympics fan. Wrong. I love it and haven't stopped watching for the past week and a half. So why do I care, and why do so many people care that Olympic television ratings beat American Idol last week? One reason: patriotism.
Patriotism became uncool during the last presidential reign. Wearing an American flag pin or flying one in front of your house made you seem like a redneck. It seems that, however, we're all closet patriots. To quote a tree-hugging, socialist environmental studies and Latin American studies major who wishes to remain anonymous, "The Olympics actually make me feel patriotic. I'm surprised that I can be patriotic, but I really do care, and am proud that America has the most medals." Why else do we care that Evan Lysacek beat the big, bad Russian? We are so patriotic that we can have our hopes and dreams be carried vicariously by sparkly men in spandex twirling around to classical music.
When the Canadians proclaimed their "Own the Podium" campaign, we instead proclaimed that we would rent their podium for two weeks. So far we have. America has won 23 medals, putting us in first place in the medal count. Canada has eight medals, good enough for fourth place. We care that we are better at these arbitrary sports than they are, we root for the Americans.
If we ignore our national ties, supporting the U.S. is like rooting for a grizzly bear in a fight against a koala. No offense, Canada, but we have 10 times more people and won our freedom from Britain. Consider this payback for the failed invasions of Canada in 1775 and 1812. You could have been state number 14, Canada, but you spurned our invitation and sided with the British. Here is your Nordic comeuppance. Canada has responded by making these Olympics more dangerous by increasing sliding speeds, ski jumping drops and half-pipe heights. Canada forgets that we thrive on danger (which in turn explains why we may cede to them the curling competition).
I apologize for getting carried away in my anti-Canadian jingoism, I have nothing but respect for our neighbors to the north, but such strong feelings are representative of what the Olympics are all about. They bring the world together and remind us of the fact that our countries still mean something, and that we can indulge our patriotic urgings in the form of a friendly 15-kilometer cross-country battle rather than an actual battle.
It's okay Americans, pull out your flags. Cheer for Apollo Ohno and that small furry creature on his chin as he shoves past those wily Koreans. Tell Yevgeny Plushenko that his skating artistry is as ugly as his black and gold sparkle-vest and mullet. Patriotism isn't base and outdated—it can be a lot of fun. USA!