It's that time of the year again. We are bombarded incessantly with unforgiving assignments to be turned in at impossible deadlines; the sun proceeds to set earlier and earlier, ushering in a pervading and uninviting darkness that hangs in the air longer than we might ever hope for; and the mild weather that so flirtatiously coddled us last week has been usurped by its frigid, evil twin. I'm an optimist, I swear.
But the holiday season also brings with it an unrelenting joy that lingers in our hearts and minds from the moment Thanksgiving ends to the morning after the ball in Times Square drops, and fuels us through what might otherwise be the bleak and dire days of early winter.
The season also presents each of us with a golden opportunity on a silver platter that only comes once a year to tell the people in our lives how we feel about them. It is the only time of year when truth-telling is the only option.
And just because it's Christmas, I've decided to do just that, and in doing so, give Santa a helping hand with his infamous list. So who's been naughty and who's been nice? In lieu of its 12 days, I give you this Christmas's 12 most noteworthy individuals.
12. Sidney Crosby
Down three games to two and against all odds last June, the Pittsburgh captain rallied his Penguins to a pivotal Game Six victory over Detroit, and then propelled them to an improbable 2-1 victory in Game Seven over the defending champions back in Motown.
The kid is only 22 years old and has already captured a Hart Trophy, a Stanley Cup, and has exhibited grace and integrity both on and off the ice.
It's no wonder the Pens are one of the best teams in hockey again this year. The verdict is simple: nice. Gift: better TV promos for his games.
11. David Ortiz
This summer Big Papi was busted along with former teammate Manny Ramirez for testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs back in 2003 as part of that elusive 100-person list.
The 34-year-old designated hitter's response? A .238 batting average during the regular season coupled with one hit in twelve postseason at-bats in the Angels' 3-game sweep of the Sawwwks. Another simple verdict: naughty. Gift: one lump of coal in his stocking.
10. Kobe Bryant
Nobody thought he could make his teammates around him better. He did. Nobody thought he could guide the Lakers to the finals. He did. Nobody thought he could win the finals (without Shaq). He did.
Nobody really thought he could do it with class. Guess what? He did that, too.
That affectation of a scowl that he conjured up specifically for the playoffs aside, Kobe now deserves our utmost respect, for he is, in fact, the best player in the NBA. Verdict: nice. Gift: another title this June.
9. Brett Favre
I've tried fervently to remove personal prejudices from this particular conversation, though it has proven exceedingly difficult for me to forget Favre's abominable orchestration of one of the greatest collapses in Jets history last season.
After beginning the season 8-3, New York dropped four of their last five and missed the playoffs thanks to Favre's indifferent play. However, he has been rejuvenated this season in quarterbacking the 10-2 Vikings, and has again won me over with countless scintillating spirals.
But the loss at Arizona last Sunday makes me wary. Could this in fact be the beginnings of yet another historical flop? Stay tuned. Verdict: TBD. If he can get Minnesota into the postseason (which seems likely), his gift might be a playoff victory over the Packers.
8. Bill Belichick
A perennial coal candidate on Santa's annual list, Belichick stunned all of us when he decided to go for it on fourth-and-two with a lead in hand late in the game three weeks ago against the Colts...on New England's own 28.
You all know the rest: the Patriots failed to convert, Peyton Manning got the ball back, and the Colts scored, completing a remarkable comeback over their hated rivals and sending fans from Greenwich all the way up to Fort Kent into an uproar over Bill's questionable play-call. At least he's a friendly guy. Verdict: naughty. Gift: two lumps of coal.
7. Alex Rodriguez
There was the whole steroid thing last winter, and then the whole getting the playoff monkey off his back by clouting every clutch hit possible en route to his first World Series title over the Phillies thing this October.
Love him or hate him, A-Rod is now a World Champion, but while no one can deny that, his likeable level still remains low in the eyes of many, especially those outside New York. Verdict: TBD; If he dumps Kate Hudson before Christmas to ensure that she never interferes with playoff baseball coverage again, his gift might be a publicly issued apology from Joe Torre about what the former Yankee manager wrote about Rodriguez in his recent book The Yankee Years.
6. Lionel Messi
FC Barcelona's small-statured winger served as the catalyst in guiding the Catalan giants to football's prestigious treble this year winning the Spanish league, its domestic cup and the Champions League Final over Manchester United, a game in which Messi's deft header solidified a 2-0 victory.
All eyes will be on the left-footed talisman this summer in South Africa when his national team Argentina takes center stage against Group B oppressors Nigeria, South Korea, and Greece.
Did I mention he just took home the 2009 Ballon d'Or? Verdict: nice. Gift: the imminent 2009 FIFA World Player of the Year Award.
5. LeBron James
Storming off the court while refusing to shake hands or talk to reporters after being knocked out of the Eastern Conference Finals by the Magic last spring, and demanding that all players forever abstain from donning the number 23 jersey in honor of Michael Jordan (why he felt he had the right to do that we can probably guess) wins the King few points with the man at the North Pole this year.
And you know what, LBJ? It's probably for the best if you and your bad vibes remain in Cleveland, lest Madison Square Garden continue to reek of yet another sorry attitude. Verdict: Naughty. Gift: a six-month's supply of coal.
4. Saints and Colts
The unimaginable dream of having two undefeated teams square off in the Super Bowl is looking more and more imaginable with each passing week.
Drew Brees has quite possibly become the league's most exciting player, while Peyton Manning has continued to improve with age. Both defenses are pretty solid, too. Verdict: Nice. Gift: (Even though one would have to lose) undoubtedly, the aforementioned dream date in February.
3. Tiger Woods
Yikes. Verdict: naughty; a year's supply of coal.
2. Derek Jeter
Won his fifth World Series in 15 seasons, and did so in the way only he knows how: with sheer class. Sports Illustrated's 2009 Sportsman of the Year winner really can do no wrong. Verdict: nice. Gift: Roy Halladay to the Yankees.
1. The BCS
Five teams (Alabama, Texas, TCU, Cincinnati, and Boise St.) are undefeated at season's end, yet only the first two will compete for the national title. It's amazing to me how everyone (and I mean everyone) would prefer a playoff system except for these excruciatingly obdurate authorities. And until they change the current format, you can be assured that the BCS will always be the worst on Santa's list. Verdict: naughty. Gift: a lifetime's supply of coal.