When a captivating premise and a star-studded cast do not save a film, one must stand back and wonder what has gone horribly, horribly wrong. "The Men Who Stare at Goats" is like the unformulated subconscious of a rich artistic hippie who couldn't be bothered with newspapers, who awoke one morning and decided today was the day he should do his patriotic duty and bash the government. So he makes a film. About super-soldiers called—wow, cool!—Jedi, who use—yes, that's the ticket!—psychic powers to stop the hearts of goats.
Then one of these soldiers goes crazy on LSD and shoots himself, and the group discombobulates. Then they get back together in the Middle East. Then a wimpy journalist (Ewan McGregor's sniveling impression of Tony Curtis in "Sweet Smell of Success") slips the team—once again—LSD and liberates a few tortured Afghani prisoners and a herd full of goats. He frees them into the desert wastes...but the film makers don't seem to be concerned about that. If you refer to anyone you don't like as a "Nazi," this film is for you!
More likely, "The Men Who Stare at Goats" was a lame excuse for some talented folks to act together. George Clooney produced the film, hired a small fry director and (this is pure conjecture) thought of how to best display himself. The upshot is that "The Men Who Stare at Goats" is so bad, it will inspire just about anyone to make movies.
Now, on to the goods. Mind reading's the game; David Cronenberg the director. His 1981 "Scanners" launched a small cult following for the Canadian director's unflinching special effects and cool, stylistic detachment...and, in his early work, a regrettably bad selection of actors. In other words, a completely opposite scenario to "The Men Who Stare at Goats."
"Scanners" is remembered for its catastrophic beginning. At a psychic powers demonstration, an undercover 'Scanner' poses as a hapless member of the audience and allows a fellow psychic to read his mind. After popping blood vessels and bulging eyes, the undercover scanner forces the other scanner's head to explode.
Not enticing enough, you say? Get this: the exploded head scanner is wearing a name tag with a photograph of his face on it. His face continues to stare obliquely from his name tag after his head explodes. Now that, my friends, is the difference between schlock sci-fi horror and auteur genius. Also, you can use the head-exploding stills in ironic situations. For instance, as greeting cards or Facebook photos during exam session or the base of a novelty Halloween fountain. The possibilities are endless.
Andrei Tarkovsky's 1979 "Stalker," a Cineaste darling, develops the mind-reading scenario into a parable about the impotence and anxiety surrounding the realization of a perfect fantasy life. A fiction writer and a scientist pay a 'stalker' to deliver them to the site of a mysterious alien crash landing where its fabled dreams come true. The realization occurs when one looks through the doorway of an inner sanctuary and existential thoughts abound.