"Can you smell it? There's a life force in here tonight. Do you feel it? Hmm? I look around this room, and I see potential."
Last week, a friend of mine suggested taking Heavyweights—the critically acclaimed feature film starring Ben Stiller, from which the aforementioned line is taken—to the stage and adapting it into a play.
And while this was one of the most ludicrous notions I had ever heard from anyone about anything —he was proposing the idea jokingly—knowing full well that the 1995 comedy's transformation from the big screen to the theater would not only be extremely difficult, but also extremely pointless (I mean, I would still go and see it). But while my friend's proposition can be easily laughed at, Tony Perkis's line above does not merit guffaw, at least when applied to my current predicament as forecaster for the upcoming NBA season.
I imagine myself in a room full of mirrors so that I can see myself every which way I look, enabling me to sensibly speak Perkis' final line above: "I look around this room, and I see potential."
Potential. That is exactly what I see in my NBA forecast department. Yet, over the past three years, I have issued 30 predictions for the approaching basketball season, most of which have failed to come to fruition (see "Knicks will make the playoffs").
But this year is my last chance to turn around a fast-sinking ship. And in an offseason that saw the Magic swipe Vince Carter from Jersey, the Grizzlies take a fatal chance on Allen Iverson, and Quentin Richardson get swapped as many times as there are quarters in a dollar, I cannot think of a more lavish and bustling preamble—nor a more opportune time to redeem myself—before what promises to be the most exciting basketball season in recent memory. These are, as follows, the top ten storylines for the 2009-10 NBA Season—it's time I started living up to my potential.
10. Sad SAC
I couldn't resist making reference to a classic Arrested Development episode that doubly conveys the sentiments that will surely be stirring in California's capital city. Just who are the Sacramento Kings anyway?
A franchise that once boasted the names of Bibby, Webber, Stojakovic and Divac, not to mention the perennial playoff machine that those names ultimately created, finds itself stuck in the deepest, most unforgiving of ruts.
They haven't made the playoffs since they were the eighth seed back in 2006, they had the league's worst record last season at 17-65, and the most recognizable player on the Kings' roster is former Slam Dunk Contest Champion Desmond Mason, who they signed this September.
They also play within the cruel confines of the Western Conference, which should guarantee their inevitable demise by about mid-December.
9. Tornado Alley Trends
In a recent photograph, several Dallas Mavericks lined up side-by-side on a podium to show off the team's newest blue threads. The only problem with the photo was the players in it: they weren't your typical Mavericks.
Alongside Jason Kidd stood Shawn Marion, Drew Gooden, and Tim Thomas, among others—each of whom made their way by trade or free agency to Big D this summer to compliment the likes of Dirk Nowitzki, Erick Dampier, Jason Terry and Josh Howard. The Mavs now contain a tremendous amount of depth on the roster, and talented depth at that.
My sleeper pick to win the Finals will surely benefit from the versatility of its newcomers. Keep an eye on Oklahoma City, too, as the Kevin Durant-Russell Westbrook duo continues to develop into one of the league's best...just don't count on too much thunder yet.
8. No Ifs, Ands or Bucks
If there is any trend more perplexing in this annual article, it is unquestionably my curious obsession with the Milwaukee Bucks.
As a freshman, I picked Michael Redd to win the scoring title and the MVP. As a sophomore, I picked the Bucks as my dark horse team. And as a junior, I picked Richard Jefferson to be their missing piece.
None of the three predictions came true, and I would be foolish to include the Milwaukee in my final issue...but it looks like I already have. Awww, Bucks.
7. Blake Griffin Will Win Rookie of the Year
An unadventurous pick to be sure, but the number one overall pick in last year's draft—if and when he returns from a highly inconvenient knee injury—is sure to hit the ground running and is arguably already one of the league's most athletic big men.
The only question now is whether or not he will have enough alchemy in his first season to transform the Clippers into playoff contenders. And while we're on the Clippers, may I just say that Baron Davis's beard is the coolest thing in the NBA right now? Thank you, and best of luck to Beardy and Blake.
6. Last of the Boston Old Guard
They may have won opening night in Cleveland, but let's keep in mind that it was, in fact, opening night. This group of elders still has 81 more games to play, and whether or not they will last until April is uncertain.
Surely, being soaked in experience, they will make the playoffs—but as the sand at the top of the time glass continues to trickle down, so, too, does the durability of Celtics veterans. That durability, and the number of Rasheed Wallace outbursts, will correspondingly skyrocket.
5. Love Shaq
The Diesel has landed in Cleveland, which very well might be the final destination in what has been a remarkable career for perhaps the league's most dominant player in history.
Whether or not the Cavs leapfrog Orlando for Eastern Conference supremacy and secure a trip back to the Finals will be contingent on the big man's ability to run the floor effectively enough and to stay healthy.
Unfortunately for Cavs' fans though, while Shaq's presence in the lineup provides Cleveland with its best chance yet to win the title, it may also be the last as LeBron's contract expires at the end of the year. Simply put for the King: no title, (likely) no staying in Cleveland.
4. Brandon Roy Will Win MVP
Fearless. Clutch. Unbreakable. These are just a few words that have been used to describe Portland's best player since Clyde Drexler, and a first MVP award in his trophy case might mean a trip to the Finals for this sturdily rebuilt squad that is primed for success.
3. Lakers Repeat
The defending champs added defensive master Ron Artest to the mix this summer. This is a no-brainer.
2. The LeBron & Co. Watch
After the Lakers have won their second consecutive title, the real fun will begin: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh head an unprecedented number of superstars who are set to come off the books this coming summer.
I can't think of a better way to spend a more awkward summer transitioning from college life to real life than by following the signings as they unfold. I will not be using Twitter, though.
1. The Knicks Won't Make the Playoffs
I've learned my lesson from the last three years of picking New York to make it each time. It hasn't happened. But as a wise man once said, "If every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right."
In a desperate move, I've succumbed to this notion, and am hoping that this reversal of psychology pays off for a selfish team of expiring contracts whose being written off already might just get them back to the playoffs for the first time since 2004. And if not, there's always summer 2010.