I love Student Speak. There, I said it, for millions—or the Orient staff—to read. I by no means think that it is a perfect medium, or for that matter, funny, but I do believe with some tweaking, next week's Student Speak could be on everyone's mind.
For the great majority who don't follow Students Speak, it is a last-minute section on the Opinion page featuring a question like, "What is your favorite dining hall dish?" The question is followed by five to eight answers from students collected the night before. Sans Student Speak, the section is no more entertaining than a blacked- out space, which would be a more time-efficient option for filling extra space in the Orient.
Student Speak provides a forum for people who don't have the time or energy to sit around and write something for the Opinion page, but still want their voice heard. It creates a quick opportunity for creativity that does not require that much thought, or at least, that's what it should be.
I should probably inform you that I am very familiar with Student Speak. While most just view it as space filler, I work my butt off every Thursday night trying to weasel my way into another installment. When I sit around outside the pub thinking of a funnier answer than the last, I am very aware that I am strangely the only one.
I tell my friends not to wait for me, that I will join them inside soon for the Macarena (that's what happens in the pub, right?). Instead, I follow the Orient staffer outside, as he or she darts incessantly, trying to lose me. Have I lost some friends because of this? Maybe. Have I been in Student Speak enough times that I do not give a shit? Definitely.
After reaching the Orient's quota last year, I had to resort to some dirty techniques. I fed answers to friends, fed answers to strangers, and called the Orient to say a friend "changed" their mind and wanted to replace their answer. I know, I disgust myself.
So like a sports fan who celebrates their team's wins and sinks into a terrible, terrible depression with the losses, I want to help save the section in troubled times. To be fair, I know Student Speak is at the very bottom of the Orient's priorities. But with a little effort, I think the section could really take off and become an improved and, dare I say funny, space filler. So without further ado, my suggestions:
First off, the question should be asked more than five hours before the printing presses roll, because first responses are typically not funny responses. When this is combined with the fact that the Orient chooses to visit drunken hotbeds around campus, you get some pretty terrible answers. You cannot blame the Orient staff; they must be clueless to the workings of a Bowdoin Thursday night out. Instead, what if the Student Speak question was asked on a weeknight in the Smith Union, when is everyone just pretending to do homework.
I would love the quick distraction while waiting for a drink at the Café or working with a "study group." Someone from the Orient could sit in Smith Union with the week's question written on a piece of paper. Anyone could write their answers down or tell the person directly. I also think there should be no limit to the amount of times a student can be featured. If there was good enough competition, it would be an honor to get into Student Speak week after week.
Secondly, the questions themselves need to be improved. The question itself needs to provoke funny responses, placing less pressure on the student to come up with something funny. For example, questions like, "If you could punch anyone in the face, who would it be?" or "Where is your favorite place to poop on campus?" have few lame answers. For the record, the poop question was a joke; everyone knows the answer is Thorne. I am sorry reader, but no one really wants to know if "what you are most excited for during Ivies" is "music". I know that was harsh, but I mean it.
Student Speak gives students who don't have the charisma, good looks or skills to write an opinion piece a chance to have their voice represented in the Orient. I think with a little more effort, Student Speak could find its way into more hearts at Bowdoin, and maybe then I'll stop getting made fun of outside the pub.
Daisy Mariscal is a member of the Class of 2011.