I am beginning to notice a trend in the performers whom we attract for the Ivies Weekend concert. In addition to being unable to break away from hip-hop, the model for our selections seems to be one "big name" artist who has three decent songs.
This year we are having Sean Kingston who will sing "Me Love," "Take You There" and "Beautiful Girls." Last year we had Naughty by Nature who sang "OPP", "Jamboree", and "Hip Hop Hooray." And before that we had Kevin Lyttle who sang "Turn Me On" three times in a row.
While I have had a good time at Ivies concerts, I feel that this rubric of one big name with three passable songs has got to go. What I am suggesting for next year's Ivies is a complete reversal of this trend. Instead of one big name with three decent songs, I want three small names that have only one awesome song each: three artists who are completely unremarkable outside of that one epic ballad which was clearly beyond their capacity as musicians. Imagine a trifecta of one-hit wonders, each unleashing that single song which makes you dance in the shower, sing in the car, and think "What the hell are those guys doing now?"
Our selection of single-serving performers would not be easy. There are all too many musicians whose careers can be summed up in four and half glorious minutes. Such musicians are in no way busy and would all be psyched to pick up a paycheck. We need to pick three artists who have each produced a solitary masterpiece that is perfect for Ivies.
To start the concert off right, we would need a track that sets the tone for the rest of the afternoon; a song that sends the unmistakable message of "Let's party." The choice, then, is obvious: "MMMBop," by Hanson. While many one-hit wonder bands have split up, Hanson has the bond of brotherhood keeping them together. In addition to an outstanding sound, the song "MMMBop" contains thought-provoking lyrics such as "You have so many relationships in this life / Only one or two will last" and "Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?" and "Mmmbop, ba duba dop doowop." "MMMBop" came out in 1997, making it 12 years since anybody has cared about Hanson. Our solicitation of their services will be a welcome relic of the past.
The intoxicating "MMMBop" will leave everyone thirsting for more of that upbeat 90s sound. To fully satiate this craving, there is really only one option for the next track, "Steal My Sunshine," by LEN. The song hits you with meticulously crafted lines such as "my sticky paws were into making straws out of big fat slurpy treats" and "now the fuzzy stare from not being there on a confusing morning week impaired my tribal lunar-speak." Lines like these defy both common logic and grammatical standards, further enhancing the intellectual mystique of the song. I think it would be easy enough to persuade LEN to join us for Ivies. They live in Nova Scotia, only a five-hour ferry ride to Portland.
For the grand finale, we will need to raise the energy significantly. The final track should be one which effectively caps off an epic concert and parlays the show into a raucous Saturday night. Quite simply, we must hear "Hey Juliet." "Hey Juliet," by LMNT, combines mediocre vocals with simplistic guitar riffs for a high-energy ballad which has stood the test of time since its 2002 debut.
The lyrics of "Hey Juliet" are missing the philosophy that we find in "MMMBop" and "Steal My Sunshine," but they more than make up for it with literary references. The song effectively amalgamates Shakespeare's classic "Romeo and Juliet" with the very unique and complex theme of a "high-school guy likes high-school girl" scenario. The verbal expression of this journey comes in the form of lyrics which are highly repetitive and thus very easy to sing along with. Especially since LMNT did not stop in Brunswick during the 2002 "Pop 'til you Drop" tour, I think we can all agree that their presence here is way overdue.
These three masterpieces, carefully placed in the right order, will be more than enough to make next year's Ivies concert one to remember. Hanson, LEN, and LMNT are not "big names" in most people's world. In fact, they are very small names in almost everyone's world. But while they may lack an expansive musical catalogue, these artists boast solitary songs which have the unique ability to truly start a party off right.
It is doubtful that this plan of mine will materialize in any way. Since the appeal of these songs was gone for most people after 8th grade, we will likely never see them performed at our campus. But I ask of you this: Let's have a little respect for the one-hit wonder songs. Why? Well, in the words of Hanson, because "In the end they'll be the only ones there. When you get old and start losing your hair. Mmmbop."
Lenny Pierce is a member of the Class of 2010.