Bowdoin students are a fortunate bunch. We have so many tools for learning and living at our fingertips, it's hard to believe that any one of us could ever complain about our situation here in Brunswick, Maine. One of the only things that I find deserving of serious lament at Bowdoin is time—there's not enough of it. I'm about to graduate in May, so I'm admittedly a little biased on the subject, but if you'll bear with me I think I have a point. The four years that we spend in college can be particularly formative with regard to our sexual identities.
For many of us, with our arrival onto campus in August of our freshman year came our first steps into sexual autonomy. Some of us take this instant freedom to a bit of an extreme, while others are more inclined to take a conservative approach to the absence of a curfew and the bags of condoms hanging on their proctor's door. Whatever your approach has been, is, or will be, you may want to keep in mind that it will not last forever. At some point, you will leave Bowdoin. The question is, will Bowdoin ever really leave you?
If, in 10 years, you're asked to describe your sex life in college, what will you say? Will you be satisfied with the experiences you've had at Bowdoin? What will you be proud of, what will you regret? What will you wish you had known during your freshman fall? What will you wish you hadn't waited to do until your senior spring? When you're driving home in your old overloaded Subaru, hauling the last four years of your life down the highway, will you remember these years as time well spent?
I don't mean to be overly serious, but I do think that it's important to take a moment every so often to reflect on what it is that we're doing with our lives. Are we doing the best we can to stay in the moment and appreciate our current situation rather than try to control the future or regret the past? In my experience, particularly with regard to sex and relationships, the most healthy and rewarding way to experience life is to actually live it while it's happening. Just because the year is nearing a close doesn't mean that we are. Sure, school is almost over, but if we live our lives in fear of being hurt or running out of time, we'll never actually get to experience the things which might be most worthwhile in the long term.
So, as we enter into the first days of what T.S. Eliot deemed the "cruelest month," I will offer a few items of advice, which may prove useful in the coming weeks. To begin with, we must have no regrets. Don't let it happen. If you are interested in someone, whether it be casually or more than casually, pursue that person! Do what you would normally do to get someone's attention. Be yourself. Don't try to put on some sort of defensive mask so that you can avoid being hurt, just go after it and hope for the best. Remember, nothing ventured nothing gained.
That being said, I would warn against the "go wild" approach to sex and relationships. While it may seem enticing, sex and romantic attachment for no reason or the wrong reason can be some of the least fulfilling and most potentially dangerous behavior that a person can become involved in. Exploring your sexuality is fun and important, but only if it's something that you want to do for your own self-improvement or enjoyment. If you're heading into it with the idea that it's something that you should or have to do, then you should probably turn around and head in the other direction.
Finally, try to prioritize your time. Think about what you're going to remember when you leave this place. Studying is important, and definitely rewarding when you're learning about something you find interesting. However, interpersonal relations are also extremely important, as they help to build skills that you will utilize in every social situation you're in for the rest of your life. Just think, will it be the organic chemistry exam and the modern political philosophy paper that you look back on with nostalgia? Or will it be asking that really good-looking girl with the great hair and awesome fashion sense in the basement of Mac House if she'll make out with you that you remember for the rest of your life?