Let's talk turkey: Coping with family gatherings

Sexually Suggestive: Time for a change: Current definition of sex too exclusive

Americans made history on Tuesday. We showed up to the polls in record numbers and we made a difference. But, to be honest with you, if you had asked me how I felt about the election while I was standing in line waiting to vote I probably would have shrugged and given you some sort of witty and indifferent response. Or maybe I would have said, "Remember when President Clinton 'did not have sexual relations with that woman'?"

Sexually Suggestive: ?On the first day of (se)xmas, my true love gave to me...?

Despite the fact that most of us have less than 12 days left on campus, i.e., less than 12 days to get all of our work done, confirm travel plans, pack up our stuff and say goodbye to friends, I thought it might be cute, in the spirit of the holidays, to give some suggestions for end of semester sex relations?that is, if you can even find the time to hook-up in this maelstrom of papers and exams.

Sexually Suggestive

Let's talk turkey: Coping with family gatherings

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

November 21, 2008

My nose is stuffy, my lips are chapped, I'm eating dinner at 5 o'clock and my professors have been taunting me all week about preparing for final papers and exams. At least there's one thing that I can look forward to as the semester comes to a close?Thanksgiving.

Oh yes, that wonderful five-day reprieve from the stresses of undergraduate life when my sole responsibility consists of lounging around the house, eating copious amounts of sweet potatoes and stuffing and catching up on the TV shows and movies that I haven't had time to watch this fall. Wait a minute, what am I thinking? Isn't it more like five days of hectic travel? The time when you try to balance work and family and friends at the same time you attempt to catch up on sleep, get your hair cut and go to, like, three doctors appointments in one day because you were too lazy to schedule them while you were in Maine?

Well, whatever it is, I think we can agree that, for most of us, Thanksgiving is a change in scene. Many of us will be seeing our family for the first time in months (perhaps even years), and with reunion often comes confrontation and interrogation.

I know, I know. I'm making a potentially wonderful family gathering sound pretty daunting, but bear with me because I think I have a pretty valid message. We've been at Bowdoin this semester for about two and a half months now, and certainly things are not the same as they were back in September. When we return home, the rules are different. Staying up late drinking coffee (or maybe other beverages with a little more kick), smoking cigarettes or whatever other little habits we have picked up over the course of the semester may not go over so well with Mom, Dad and Grandma. We've been talking, dating, kissing, crushing, feeling, thinking, crying, laughing and everything else under the sun for over two months and now we're going back to our families who may remember us as someone a little different than the person we are now. Sexually speaking, when we present our "new" selves to our parents, we may run into a few obstacles along the way.

Let me take you back to Thanksgiving Break 2005, my first year. In past columns, I've hopefully already established that the first few months of my freshman year were a pretty monumental time in my life. Between coming out, going out and making out, my life had become pretty chaotic. I remember wondering how could I ever explain to my family what was going on if even I didn't know what to make of it all. Sitting on the plane down to Florida, I tried to prepare myself for what I thought would be the inevitable questions:

How's school?

What are your friends like?

Do you have a boyfriend?

It was frustrating. How could I give my family an honest answer when school was interesting because I was learning about sexuality in English literature and most of the people I felt closest to weren't straight?

And, no, I didn't have a boyfriend?Because I wasn't interested in boys anymore.

I was just a bundle of nerves. I felt that I had changed so much in two months that no one in my family would recognize me anymore. I fully expected an interrogation from my entire family regarding the minute specifics of my sexual life to occur at Thanksgiving dinner. I thought my family would demand an explanation. The truth is, I was the one who needed the explanation. I was desperate for some label or category that would describe me to the world in a very neat and tidy way. To this day, I haven't found that magic label. When I went home for Thanksgiving my freshman year, I was still the same person then that I had been in September?Alanna?the only person I'll ever be.

Undoubtedly, my first two months at Bowdoin were revelatory in terms of my sexuality and sexual experience, but certainly that was not all I had to offer in life. Unfortunately it was very difficult for me, as a freshman in my particular situation, to see past the changes that I'd experienced sexually?and I think that's okay. None of us are perfect and it can be extremely difficult to see clearly in the midst of major changes and transitions. Regardless of what your sexual experiences have been thus far in the semester, the only person who's really looking for an explanation, and the only person who really needs an explanation, is you. The most important thing to remember is that no matter where you go, there you are?so try to make the most of this Thanksgiving and don't fret too much about what your relatives are thinking.

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