In defense of dating: Revitalizing real-world romance

Sex Matters: From homo to 'rojo': The sliding scale of sexuality

To open this week's column, which is written in honor of Coming Out Week last week, I'd like to start with a quote from one of my favorite movies, "The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Dessert." A bit of context: the movie follows three drag queens as they drive to the center of Australia for a show. Along the way, they discuss everything from outfits to dance numbers to homophobia. Here's a choice conversation about sexual orientation:

Sex Matters: In an economic downturn, don't turn down intimacy

Out there in the world, the economic crisis looms bleaker every day. Both Wall Street and Maine Street are feeling the effects of our Titanic-esque economy. Even Bowdoin is beginning to bend under the pressure: our foundation of a fitness center is suddenly short on funds and athletic teams can't have overnight stays anymore. There's one thing that hasn't changed, however: condoms are still free.

Sex Matters

In defense of dating: Revitalizing real-world romance

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

October 31, 2008

It's a sentiment that I've heard expressed throughout my three years at Bowdoin College. The academics are wonderful, the campus is beautiful, the people are friendly ?but the dating scene sucks. Why is this? In movies and sitcoms, dates don't seem too scary. I know for a fact that my parents used to do it and I think that I am at least as brave as they are. Yet here we are, surrounded by interesting, intelligent, and passionate people, and we leave Bowdoin without ever getting to know them outside of class, Moulton, or the basement of a college house.

I think part of it is the fact that Bowdoin is such a small community. There are few opportunities to ask someone out and not have to see them everyday for the rest of the year. Also, at Bowdoin, we know way too much about everyone. Either you've met someone, or your friend knows them, or you just heard about them and person X hooking up last year. How can you ask someone on a date if you've sat next to them in two different classes? Or if you Facebook friended them a year ago and therefore know all their favorite movies, musicians and get a couple of e-mails from Newsfeed every time they sneeze.

Here's the thing though: At its most basic, a date is a chance to get to know someone without a textbook or a Solo Cup in your hand. Sure, you sit next to someone in class but does that really mean that you can tell if you might like like them? Not really. In reality, all you know about them is that they use different colored pens, doodle pictures of puppies, and drool when they sleep. Just because you know someone's name, where they live, and who they hang out with doesn't mean that you know whether or not the two of you would have a good time browsing pillowcases at Grand City.

The word "date" to our generation is like a loaded gun. It seems to be the social equivalent of holding up a bulletin board inscribed with the words: "HEY YOU. I LIKE YOU." This doesn't have to be the case, however. Asking someone on a date should be like handing them a nice greeting card that says: "Oh hey there. I noticed that you're in my Orgo class and seem intelligent. I'd like to talk to you a bit about your interests." It is okay to ask someone out when you're not 100 percent sure that you want to get with them. How else are you supposed to find out? Decipher their dinner tray? Attempt to translate their half-awake doodling? Spending time with someone in a situation where you are alone or in a small group and able to talk is a great way to learn more about them and whether or not you want to take things further.

Even if, at the end of a date, you decide you're not "romantically inclined," a date is never a loss. Sure, if one person has romantic feelings and the other person doesn't, things can get a bit uncomfortable. If you've only been dating for a short time, however, and you haven't been purchasing monogrammed towels together, there will probably be a way to remain friends. And now you have an interesting new friend.

So for these reasons, I am advocating a rejuvenation of the date this week. Gather up your courage and ask someone out. It's a good skill to practice for when you're in the real world and won't know when you might run into someone again. Go to Little Dog, the Station, or Frontier and have coffee. Walk to Evening Star and sit sort of close to each other on a couch. Sample some of Brunswick's restaurants and do your part to boost the local economy! Or just take a walk somewhere. We go to school in an uncommonly beautiful area and walking can be a wonderful way to enjoy the autumn air and someone's company.

At Bowdoin, it's easy to get nestled into the tight-knit community and forget that knowing someone through class or parties or the grapevine is not the same as actually having a real conversation with them. It is definitely intimidating to put yourself out there, but people are typically flattered that you want to get to know them a little better. And give yourself and your peers a bit of credit. Yes, romance and rejection can be awkward, but hopefully we're all mature enough to be able to handle a bit of discomfort in the big quest for love. You never know?that person in your Orgo class might have a totally different kind of chemistry in mind. They're just waiting for you to ask.

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