Assassin II: Bowdoin becomes a polar-bear-eat-polar-bear campus

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A Sojourn in Civilized Life

Assassin II: Bowdoin becomes a polar-bear-eat-polar-bear campus

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

Annie Monjar

Columnist

October 17, 2008

By the time this article is published, I could be a goner.

I write this on the threshold of a battle that could go on for months. I have 11 hours and 45 minutes until Bowdoin becomes a polar-bear-eat-polar-bear campus. Until we are no longer a cozy liberal arts college on the coast of Maine, but a war zone recognizable only by the crumbling, blood-stained polar bear statue standing solemnly at its center.

Some may attest that I'm exaggerating, but I say to you, my comrades-in-arms, that the protest is only made in denial of the apocalyptic undertaking set to begin at 8 a.m. on Thursday, October 16, 2008.

Campus-Wide Assassin II is upon us.

I've just gotten off Facebook, and can safely assure this unassuming young victim that their place of residence, birthday, campus activities, hometown, and favorite films are etched into the dark recesses of my plotting mind, providing me ample data with which to sock them to their destruction. There's a reason why I've "friend-locked" my profile.

They say that WWI was a war of the trenches, where bloody stalemates drew out a painfully violent war. Last year's Assassin seems to reflect that logic?I'm not sure any of us actually knew when the game ended, or who won it for that matter. It seems highly likely, though, that the victor hid his or herself in his or her bedroom, waiting until the number of casualties had risen to a sufficient number, and then emerged, machine-sock in hand, pelting the remaining few to their demises.

But just as military strategists recognized the need to update warfare tactics during the Second World War, so has the Residential Life staff seen that efficiency in killing is vital if this game is to end before the class of 2009 graduates. The "airpower," if you will, of Assassin II, the initial carpet bombing that will sweep away mass numbers of players for a more focused game will be the instigation of this new rule:

"Stay in the game with one kill by 10/23 and two kills by 11/6."

Snooze and lose, essentially.

While the gravity of the impending battle weighs heavily on me, I have reason to be confident in my success in this year's campus-wide Assassin.

Some weeks ago, the floor that I live on in Coles Tower decided to have a floor-wide activity in an effort to get to know one another a bit better. There were movements to bakes cookies, to go bowling, to have a movie night, but the 15th floor of the Tower decided on what we deemed the best way to bring us closer together: to feign murdering one another until only one remained.

And so the 15th-floor Assassin game commenced. Two major problems quickly arose?first, we all live together, so the most effective strategy for "killing" consisted of wandering into the neighboring common room with whatever sock you rummaged out of your drawer. Second, it became clear from the start that the intended effect of creating a floor bond was for naught. My stomach still jumps any time I see one of my roommates.

All in all, the game lasted about 48 hours, and though my strategy for this impending game will have to be altered, I'm still convinced my brief experience gives me a leg up on the rest of the field.

And though even if I won an iPod Touch which there's no way I could ever figure out how to use and would probably lose anyway, my sense of being a seasoned veteran in Assassin prevents me from taking this challenge with anything less than my utmost seriousness.

So from here on out, until whatever fatal Gold Toe or SmartWool brings me to my end, I am 100% game face.

I am determined to be the A-bomb of Assassin II, bringing a swift and bitter blow to whatever target has the bleak misfortune to fall into my hands.

This determination, however, will cause me extreme embarrassment in the event that I have to tell readers that I got socked between writing this column and the actual publication of this week's Orient.

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