Because Dane Cook Isn?t Here to Tell You

Column Like I See 'Em: The Only Thing Better Than a Skype Date

So here I am. Aqu¡ estoy. In Spain for an entire semester combating culture shock, the seven-hour waiting period between meals, and a severe dearth of American sports. I have discovered rather quickly, though, that there are few things more rewarding in life than my post-lunch siesta every day, serving as my chief panacea here in Granada, the beautiful, Islamic-influenced Andalusian city that was once inhabited by the Moors...or was it the Moops? All that aside, I have still managed to keep pace somewhat with baseball's pennant races and football's introductory couple of weeks, and I've got to be honest: I still think the Yankees will make the playoffs and the Jets go undefeated.

Column Like I See 'Em: A Devil of A Time

Here's one for your next game of Kings: Never have I ever met a Rays fan. And no, the vast majority of the 41,000 that filed into Tropicana Field Sunday night for Game 7 against Boston don't count (especially when you consider most of them probably discovered just this year that there was a professional baseball team in town). No, I mean to say that I have truthfully never met a Rays fan.

Column Like I See 'Em

Because Dane Cook Isn?t Here to Tell You

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

Chris Adams-Wall

Columnist

October 3, 2008

Dear Hank,

Thank you so much for all you've done in your first year in charge of the New York Yankees. Boy, are we proud of you. To think that you, the Boss's own biological and eldest son, were handed the reigns (along with Hal, of course) to sports' most prestigious franchise is as storybook as it gets (lucky Steve Swindal got that DUI and decided to divorce your sister, huh!). I would have addressed this letter to Hal, too, but I feel like you deserve the majority of our gratitude for a job well-done.

That earth-shattering trade you miraculously pulled off with the imbecilic front office of the Minnesota Twins that brought Johan Santana to the Bronx in exchange for Ian Kennedy and Melky Cabrera?two guys who weren't even on a major league roster by the end of the season?ingenious! And the same can be said about acquiring reigning AL Cy Young Award winner C.C. Sabathia from Cleveland at the trade deadline, thus amassing the league's most formidable rotation ever! And A-Rod! Oh, A-Rod! Thank goodness you let the league's biggest loser and his delicate personality walk after he opted out of his bogus contract last October. Not only do we not have to worry about paying someone $275 million over the next 10 years, but we also have a much better chance of playing everyday baseball with a clear head in the hopes of winning No. 27 without the endless distractions and emotional baggage that came with our former third baseman.

Good for you for standing firm, resolute, and staying true to your word of not negotiating with him when he came crawling back to you helpless and homeless. Such character deserves a medal...and a cookie! Also, I'm so glad you decided to bring back Joe Torre for his 13th year as manager. I mean, the guy led our club to the playoffs every single year since his appointment in 1996 for crying out loud. I'd say you made the right choice. Oh, and then at the Yankee Stadium farewell, a classy move on your part to dedicate a large portion of the night to saluting Mr. Torre?as opposed to not mentioning him at all, taking him for granted.

Very classy, again, I must say it. That same bittersweet evening I was also struck by your sheer candor in including the much maligned Roger Clemens in the farewell video on the Jumbo Tron. He contributed just as much, if not more so, than everyone else during those late '90s title runs, and it's nice to know that you can, for one night, ignore the alleged steroid claims to revere one of the more iconic pitchers in Yankee history, for as you and I know all too well, people do make mistakes.

Oh, forgive me! You don't! How silly of me! Your labeling of Red Sox Nation as "kaka del torro," and your bold reminder to the small market clubs of America like the Rays of your subsidizing them (along with other big market teams) was the perfect cherry on top to your graceful attitude towards the media and human beings in general.

Like Tampa Bay will ever make the playoffs, ha! And now, looking toward October, I really don't see how we can lose?excuse me?how you can lose. You've done it all sir, and you have the track record and postseason birth to prove it. And in your first year as boss, I'll say it again. I'll bet most people thought it couldn't be done. Probably thought it was about as likely as Dustin Pedroia winning MVP! Am I right? But you did it: You've risen above your father. So from all of us here in your self-constructed, trademarked Yankee Nation, from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you: for being an exceptional Senior Vice President, and an even better person.

With love,

Fans of the New York Yankees

Now to the teams that will actually be competing this fall. These are, as follows, the briefest of all (2008) MLB Postseason predictions.

Angels vs. Red Sox

Anybody who has paid any kind of attention to playoff baseball over the last half-decade knows that Boston absolutely owns the Halos. It's Los Angeles and the league's best record versus Josh Beckett, David Ortiz, and a tad bit more experience than Ms. Palin herself (is that mean?). I don't know about you, but this sounds a lot like the 2001 ALCS. Mariners fans know what I'm talking about.

Red Sox in four.

Rays vs. White Sox

I am still stunned that the Tampa Bay Rays made the playoffs (let alone won the AL East a mere year after finishing with the worst record in baseball). Literally stunned. The ChiSox got lucky and barely beat the surging Twins. It's young versus old in this unlikely clash of titans, and I could go either way on this. But I'm not going to thanks to the return of the sufferer who deserves it more than anyone: Carl Crawford.

Rays in three.

Phillies versus Brewers

I can't believe the Mets choked on the final game of the season, in the final game ever at Shea Stadium. Not even Willie Randolph would have screwed that up, Jerry Manuel. Oh, wait. He did the same thing last year?! The Phillies have to be the underdogs here, and I'm not just talking about this series, but rather out of the eight postseason teams in general, so I am very tempted to pick them. But the C.C. story is just too good, not to mention the potential imagery of a bratwurst race during the NLCS at Miller Park. It's gotta be the Brew Crew.

Brewers in four.

Cubs versus Dodgers

The most intriguing match-up this postseason?if I do say so myself?quite simply because I don't think anybody really knows quite what to expect. It could be the Cubs' year, and a Windy City showdown in the Fall Classic might make baseball fun again. Then again, if the world knows what's best for Hank Steinbrenner, Joe Torre and L.A. should have no problem in extinguishing another promising Chicago flame. Karma is a you-know-what, but you knew that going in, didn't you Hank?

Dodgers in five.

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