Embracing our ?sexploits? and ?sexcapades?

Sex Matters: Flirty or Friendly: The delicate line between romance and friendship

Going to school at a small, liberal arts college like Bowdoin means that friends are always close by. It's almost impossible not to run into them on your way to class, at the gym, or in the dining hall.

Sex Matters: Head, shoulders, knees, and toes: 'Anything can be erotic'

When we think about sexual activity, there are a few body parts that are generally understood to be key players. These are typically the body parts that will bump a movie's rating from PG-13 up to R. These are also body parts that are typically (somewhat) covered by clothing. The fact that these areas are considered inappropriate for children under 17 gives them a special status not enjoyed by the other 97 percent of our bodies. I mean, can you imagine television stations censoring out hands? Elbows? Ears? But just because Hollywood has decided that these body parts aren't "special" doesn't mean we have to forsake them, too.

Sex Matters

Embracing our ?sexploits? and ?sexcapades?

This piece represents the opinion of the author:

September 26, 2008

It's three weeks into school and things are finally getting underway. We all have our favorite seats in our classes, we know where we're eating dinner and when, and we're getting into the swing of the social aspect of Bowdoin. Before we get too far into our routines, however, I'd like to take a minute to address an idea that seems to permeate college culture. This is the idea that sex and sexual encounters don't mean anything more than the comical stories into which they are distilled the next day during brunch. Along with this, the idea that the mature people in our age group are all relating to sex in the same way. Sure, drunk and/or casual sex is something that happens at Bowdoin, but not everyone's doing it, and regardless of how casual it is, that certainly doesn't have to make it meaningless.

This is not to say that sex is an inherently serious thing. On the contrary, there is a lot to laugh about when you're talking about sex: People walking in, people walking out, unfortunately placed windows, surprising noises, and so much more. But to assert that sex and sexual acts can be mistakes in their entirety is to miss an opportunity for some self-discovery. To laugh off every drunk or sober "sexscapade" as just another college extracurricular is to forgo the chance to reflect a little bit.

We are all, regardless of age, gender, orientation, physical ability or anything else, sexual creatures. This does not mean that we're all having sex. It merely means that we all have a relationship with sex that makes up a part of our personality; a "sexual identity," if you will. I might be a woman who loves history, running, and sex with many different partners. I might be a man who loves computer science and football and believes that sex should be saved for marriage. I might be someone who, two years into Bowdoin, began to realize that I enjoy having sex with both women and men. Regardless of what this relationship is for you, identifying it and coming to terms with it, as well as allowing it to evolve and change, are important parts of discovering yourself during college.

For me, this is what "hooking up," however you choose to define it, should be about. Yes, sexual activity is, hopefully, really fun, but so is masturbating, watching a movie, hanging out with friends, exercising, etc. When we choose to hook up, we are hopefully making a conscious decision to do so, and one that is not insignificant or irrelevant, just as it is not insignificant when people choose not to hook up. Sexual activity, or choosing to abstain, is a way for us to express an important part of ourselves. When they are reduced to mistakes or merely stories to tell friends, sexual experiments and adventures lose the power to help us learn about ourselves. Laughing at your own sexploits is wonderful, but there's more to be gained by reflecting a bit about how you feel about them. Do you love getting drunk and making out? Having sex with people you don't really know? Flirting all night and then going home alone? Being in a serious relationship? Awesome?own it. Don't be afraid to examine who you are sexually and celebrate that as a part of yourself.

Reading the "Confessions" section in an issue of Cosmopolitan magazine is hilarious, but there is more to sex, even on a college campus, than learning how to overcome embarrassment. Sex is about learning what you like, whether it pertains to your physical body, your emotional needs or your relationships. These issues, and not merely how awkward it can be when you wake up in a room you don't recognize and can't get your bra down from the overhead light, are issues I wish to tackle in my column. Because sex matters, whether or not we are always courageous enough to admit that to ourselves and our very best of friends.

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