It was bound to happen, and I suppose if ever a time to have one, it's better to have your first car accident in the comfort of Bowdoin College. Okay, so full-fledged accident may be the wrong way to describe it, but even a fender bender causes a certain amount of stress, though my air bags were never deployed. The most frustrating part of the experience for me, though? Probably the reaction from the other driver.
An elderly lady from Brunswick opened her driver's side door and didn't hesitate to fault me for the collision. "You hit me real good!" she exclaimed, stepping into the middle of the road and over the piece of my bumper now causing minor road blockage on the quiet streets of our college town. Regardless of the fact that I wasn't at fault here, I was more dumbfounded by her accusatory tone and her anger at the audacity of a college "kid" like me, who must have been driving irresponsibly and most likely on a cell phone. To set the record straight, this is not the case.
Regardless, it got me thinking about my reputation outside of the college?specifically the discrepancy in our images here and how those outside the confines of the bubble perceive us. We've made our respective niches here?now where do we go from here? I've heard too many people announce the unlikelihood of our generation to succeed in the workplace and, even more so, to make better lives for ourselves than our parents; in short, I've heard doubt in any sense of our progress. The look of the woman at the accident scene said the same thing: She looked at me with the disapproval of an elder who knows better, who knows that I can't hack it when I leave campus.
In some ways, I might agree with her. It's not here specifically, but everywhere in general. The contributions of our generation might amount to the crazy of a bald Britney Spears and an age of Xbox champs. But with all of the talent on campus, I want to believe we amount to more than that. When this class graduates, how will these small contributions be made bigger? In effect, how will this graduating class look on the big screen? When we make a move outside of this campus, are we stepping outside of ourselves or making ourselves relatable for larger audiences and bigger goals?
When I drove my almost un-drivable car home from the accident, I thought there had to be more at stake here. It wasn't all bound up in this small moment, but more about how I will fit into the larger scheme of things. I wanted to tell the woman things about myself to convince her I was a good person, not just "a bad driver." I thought of what I could say: I've studied Joyce, Lawrence, world politics and the literature of our American Renaissance, I can recite Shakespeare, if you want.
However ridiculous these claims, I sought some kind of redemption in reciting the details of my worthy education. Still, what good would it do? The things that made me an English major wouldn't fix the damage to either of our cars. And I thought about it: Outside the comfort of a smaller world where everyone knows your name, student activities, and ID number, it doesn't matter that I've taken Coviello or aced my bio exam. You are not a mentor, a soccer stud, or an improv star in the middle of a car accident, you're just another somebody, and to the other somebody involved, you're just a hassle.
I thought about this for the next few days, wondering who I will become after graduation and who the people I graduate with will be out in the world, as well. It is hard to imagine our resident basketball superstars, best actors, or student leaders sitting in their respective cubicles, but it happens. We are more to each other and more to this community than what we may seem to our future employer, but where does that go? I know other grads that have left pieces of themselves in the college years as they trudge into the working world, but I still don't quite know how to make peace with this. It seems we are at risk of losing too much of ourselves in the process.
Outside of Bowdoin, there is no happy chain of coincidence?the people you meet will be meeting you for the very first time presumably, not through a friend of a friend who has class with you Mondays and Wednesdays, or who you meet chit-chatting over yet another printer malfunction. And dating is even weirder. The pool is, excitingly, but also frighteningly, larger, with people to choose from ranging from just graduated to maybe someone over 30. You aren't going to be dating someone you met under a set of fixed conditions, but really, honestly putting yourself out there in the truest sense of the word. I don't mean to say that there won't be some kind of social network to help you navigate, but it's all changed, really. Who are the people in the real world? They're not all Bowdoin, or even other small liberal arts school, kids. Maybe they're all bad drivers.
I suppose there's really no stopping it, perhaps only making a commitment to cherish a little more in the way of our college lifestyles. You may kiss your weekend benders and subsequent all-nighters good-bye, but hang on a little longer to your sense of self here at the College. You weren't just an athlete or a Sarah and James Bowdoin Scholar for nothing. Surely there is the idea of progress, to not let this single moment define you and to grow and learn past our (now numbered) days in school, but certainly we've made headway here, too. In any case, I would hate to think that I might lose that part of me that has made its home here. I'd rather take it with me?wherever I end up.