As a savvy Bowdoin vet, I know that nothing hurts a good semester more than the seasonal depression associated with the Maine winter.
While the first snowfall before break was pretty sweet for about 20 minutes or so, it began to suck immediately afterwards, and it will continue to suck for the next three to four months.
Endless classes, colds, stuffy noses, wet feet, bad hangovers, and those incredibly ugly and unfashionable "mad bomber" hats are all indicators that winter has begun here at Bowdoin.
For those of you who suffer from the debilitating condition called "cabin fever," I have decided to do some sleuthing and find its genealogy and possibly a cure for the Bowdoin Cabin Fever.
In the early 1980s, Bowdoin attempted to confront the issue of winter by implementing a student exchange program with a similar college in the balmy U.S. Virgin Islands.
After only two short weeks, the program was disbanded and the students were sent back to the Gulag known as Bowdoin because their drunken debauchery had forced the governor there to deploy the military and declare martial law.
This event hearkens back to a time when Bowdoinites were a rough-and-tumble crowd. According to "The Official Preppy Handbook," written in 1980, (this part is actually true) Bowdoin was ranked No. 2 in the nation for drinking. It is no wonder then that the U.S. Virgin Islands simply became known as "the Islands" after our brawny forefathers and foremothers were deported back to Bowdoin.
For the past 25 years, Bowdoin has counted on the brutal Maine winter to sedate the restless student body for a good half of our academic careers.
Since it seems there is no hope for moving Bowdoin back to a tropical locale, I have come up with a comprehensive guide to curing cabin fever.
First and foremost, it is pivotal to find a satisfactory cuddle buddy.
A cuddle buddy can either be platonic or not, but must be available for regular naps and sleepover sessions. He/she provides the necessary sense of closeness and security to cope with the inevitable depression that comes on in late January and lasts until Spring Break.
A cuddle buddy is absolutely necessary if you don't have the luxury of a serious partner because it will make Valentine's Day much more bearable and much less annoying. I cannot stress enough the importance of a good cuddle buddy. Living without one is like trying to eat bread without a delicious fruit spread. You can do it but it will suck.
The second step in bucking cabin fever is drinking regularly.
I'm not talking about the binge drinking that has everyone all up in arms about our supposed irresponsibility. You certainly don't want to drink too much and end up with the "fear" the morning after.
For those of you who don't know what the "fear" is: it's the irrational jitters and general feelings of despair that accompany a heavy night of drinking and not remembering what you did.
What I'm talking about is having a couple of good beers or glasses of wine that will put a little flush in the cheek and enhance your social encounters. One could call this a "social lubricant."
I am certainly not recommending shots or mixed drinks because they are illegal at Bowdoin. Of course nothing illegal goes on here, so I am definitely not recommending a vodka tonic or a Jack and Coke. If drinking isn't your cup of tea I would recommend energy drinks to get the motivation to venture out into the arctic tundra that locks Brunswick into its yearly deep freeze.
When all things are considered though, it's nearly impossible to overcome the winter blues or the absurd idea that a "mad bomber" hat looks good.
It is, however, possible to roll with the punches that the Bowdoin winter will inevitably throw at you. The winter is certainly worth working through, because it provides an important contrast that makes the Bowdoin spring that much more refreshing and exhilarating.