Surprisingly, in one of the English language's most pretentious and long-winded works known notoriously as John Milton's "Paradise Lost," there lies a very valuable lesson. The epic poem is basically about irrelevant stuff such as Man's (and Woman's) creation, Original Sin, and where the hell Hell came from. In Book 10 of the poem, at about page 16,437, God's archangel Michael takes Adam (as in Adam and Eve) up to the top of a huge mountain where he proceeds to tell him mankind's future?Adam screws billions of people and causes all of the sin and death on earth by eating an apple from the Tree of Knowledge.
At one point in the story, Michael shows Adam all these fresh dudes and cool chicks engaged in boozing, eating hearty meals, and many other various forms of debauchery all led by this jolly fellow named Bacchus. Adam basically says, "Wow, that looks like fun. I'm not too upset, if my Original Sin just leads to people havin' a good time." This really pisses Michael off, and he is like, "Dude, Adam, you're not supposed to have a good time! You are supposed to keep your head down, stay sober, work hard, and only praise God." And this confuses the hell out of Adam.
It confuses me too. I mean, why aren't we supposed to have a good time? If a mythical figure like Adam thinks that going out and getting crunk is not such a bad thing, I'm going to have to agree with him here.
I feel that I again must take it upon myself as your humble sexpert and rabble rouser to remind you (yes, that means you) to go out, get crunk, stay crunk, and have a good time. To support my crunk thesis, I took a poll this week where I asked 20 fellow Bowdoin peeps what they were doing this weekend.
The glass is certainly half-empty this week, because I received answers like, "My life sucks, it's too cold, so I'm going to be lame and do work all weekend," or "Ugh...I can't go out because I have two tests and a 10-page paper due next week."
After I completed my survey I began to question our student body's dedication to the true "college experience" as well as the fortitude of their livers. I was again, like Adam, confused at all the lameness with which I had been confronted. Why is everyone being so unfun around here? Apparently I didn't get the memo, but it's the "end of the semester."
This whole "end of the semester" concept totally caught me off guard. From my astute journalistic prowess I gather that it's a lot like that whole "judgment day" concept where the world is basically ending and there is no hope for survival and you either make it into heaven or you don't. I have kept up a rigorous and robust social schedule every weekend without fail for the past three years and totally missed this "end of the semester" hoop-la. Maybe I'm exaggerating my obliviousness just a little bit here, but bear with me.
Its time to take a step back here and take a look at the big picture. When you look back on your "college experience" at Bowdoin are you really going to remember all those tests and papers you slaved over for countless hours? No, you won't, but chances are you will remember your friends and all the good times you had while you were here. I'm not saying don't get your work done, but please, for God's sake (or Adam's sake) don't let it control your life. Make time to get out and enjoy yourself. You will get a job when you get out of here, trust me. So, go get crunk at the Junior/Senior Ball this weekend, go to that social house party, or just meet some friends for lunch at Thorne.
If you don't like it, go talk to Adam?your stress is a result of his Original Sin.